XEW Music Blog: Adventures in Songwriting & Other Insanities

Where Do You Get Your Ideas?

2011-05-20T21:39:00.001-07:00

inspiration...it can sometimes come in short supply...

so this topic came up on the FAWM forums a while back, and a friend
there mentioned I should put this together as a blog post...i kept
forgetting to post it till tonight, when another musician friend was
talking about feeling out of ideas...so this is for you Beth...ill try
to add more to it later...(BTW this list may also appear on another
site in the near future...will post if it does!)

1. Life - not too many subjects are off limits. I am from the south,
am Cajun, have an insane family, always have crazy things happening to
me without trying, etc. There is never a shortage of material to write
about.

Song Idea: write about something happy in your life or just the
opposite of what you are finding yourself writing about now.

2. Family Stories: like I said, my family present and past are all
nuts, so the stories are a plenty.

Song Idea: go talk to some of your older family, dig for stories.
You'll get ideas and find out some interesting things about your
family past.

3. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes: think about someone you
find interesting, or maybe you disagree with them. Put yourself in
their place & try to understand where they are coming from.

Song Idea: put yourself in a person of faith's place & try to see why
he/she is so connected to his/her faith. If you are of faith, then put
yourself in an atheist's place & try to understand why they feel the
way they do.

4. Word Hunts: go to the library &/or book store. Turn your head
sideways. Read book titles & find words & phrases you like (or new
ones that come to you). Write them in a lyric notebook for later use.

Song Idea: collect a bunch of words & see how many you can connect for one song.

5. TV/books/games: think about things that you like/dislike on TV, in
books, games. Write about them. Put yourself in them. What are the
characters thinking?

Song Idea: pick a movie, pick a character, write about them in some
new way. Pick a single moment & expand it.

6. Point of view of object

Song Idea: pick random objects & become them. Write about them. Maybe
several that are near each other & converse. Ones that might be able
to connect to emotions might prove easiest to do, like a chair, a
favorite of your own or someone else, a table where someone wrote
songs, a place in the yard where someone sat as a child, etc.

7. Emotions: connecting to things in the deepest way possible. I try
to achieve this in anything I write. Whether it be happiness, depths
of despair, being scared, etc.

Song Idea: pick a positive emotion and try to connect to it on the
deepest level you can.

8. Music first: random playing can bring on ideas you may not of
thought of otherwise.

Song Idea: tinker with your instruments as if you were a child playing
one for the first time. Just pluck strings, play keys, till you begin
to hear a short set of notes catch your ear.

9. Titles: song titles can trigger ideas.

Song Idea: write down titles you like or use The Muse http://muse.fawm.org

10. News/phrases from conversations: listening to/reading the news or
listening to conversations around you can strike up some interesting
songwriting ideas.

Song Idea: write about something in the news you like or don't like.
If u don't like it then try to put yourself in that side/person's
place & try to understand why they feel the way they do. Listen to
people talking. Conversations can trigger ideas. Try to connect to
their emotions.

11. The future/The life you want

Song Idea: put yourself in someone else's shoes in the future.

write about the life you want or something you want in the future...

Clicking Delete on Negativity...

2011-01-24T22:53:00.001-08:00

yep, way behind in blogging as usual...twitter & its connectivity to facebook status has me spoiled...& with everything going on around me its hard to sit & write much at length...

but i was reminded of the value of blogging today so i need to make an effort, especially with FAWM a few days away...im hoping to document as much of it as I can, maybe even video blogs if i can work up the nerve to do it...i spend lots of time lazily in my jammies & i doubt anyone wants to see that..haha

i guess first thing, the blog post title...a status update i just posted inspired that... "you know when there is a lot of negativity around you & u just wanna click DELETE DELETE DELETE? yep, its one of those days..."
lately there has been a lot of positive things going on around me...& anytime negativity comes around, i wanna sucker punch it in the nose...most of the time its just little things that are normal life things..but then comes one that may not be big but brings around old, hindering thoughts...got a few of those happening the past couple of days...& im beginning to think its time to do some "house cleaning" in the very near future...it just cant come fast enough...

so what have we been up to? big project going on right now is switching some things around in the house..hubby is taking the larger downstairs office & im taking the upstairs one...over the past couple of years they both turned into storage or junk dumping areas & we turned the dining table & other areas into makeshift offices...so time to clean up, clean out, get organized again...
as each thing gets organized or re-organized its like another couple of pounds of weight off of my shoulders...trying to mentally manage everything in the house that needs to be kept up with its physically & emotionally draining....trying to always keep up with 1/2 of something here, 1/4 of it there, and some other places, so more isnt bought b/c we cant find any of it...well its a pain in the butt...now try doing that for everything in your home....& then try to do it when physically u cant do much...yes, it left me cranky, exhausted & frustrated...but its getting better & i hope the momentum isnt lost or projects pushed aside for various reasons (yes im looking at you hubby >:\ )

music stuff...gearing up for FAWM!!! ( www.fawm.org ) im hoping to spend the month of Feb writing more lyrics for the "Seven Songs for Seven Souls" project...ive been chipping away at a few songs that have been fighting with me most of the year...i hope to get more on those done & tackle some new ones that have been impatiently waiting for my attention...sooooooo many ideas...cant wait to get most done so i can begin working on the music part of the project...ive been recording bits & pieces that go with each song but ive been holding off on the main part so i dont follow my usual pattern of starting one, getting stuck, moving on & not coming back to finish...i think having such a clear idea for this project has kept that from happening...still hoping to have the majority of the project done by year's end...i know, long shot but im keeping the goal to keep me going...
also hoping to get a few collabs done, mainly old stuff ive been procrastinating over, maybe 1 or 2 new things, will have to see what kind of time (& quiet) i have available...

other stuff:
house concerts: might have some stuff lined up for the spring...no confirmations yet but will post if they come through...

health stuff: hoping things will be moving along soon...final doc i saw not long ago wants me to do another round of epi's & if that doesnt work then we will start working towards surgery...most likely just on the disc for now...timing is up in the air, but may have to wait till the summer so Nugget doesnt have to do school work...

The Nugget: moving along nicely in her schoolwork...doing dance, swimming...reading like crazy & doing "big" math quite well :) ...if i had more time id do more with my homeschooling blog...one of these days!

ok, timing to sign off & get some work done, only a couple more days till Feb 1!!!!!!!!!

current listening: Innocence Mission (Brotherhood of Man), Rocco De Luca, Alela Diane (White as Diamonds), lots of older stuff & friends music...not much new right now cause ive been so busy...

-p

#Songwriting

2010-08-22T23:39:00.001-07:00

so whats with the # always in my status? its a hash tag that allows people to do keyword searches through twitter to find relevant information... #songwriting is usually my fav one...

as usual there havent been many blog posts. its just always easier to update a little at a time through tweets *is lazy*

current update:
feverishly trying to update the xewmusic.com site before committing to an interview...hopefully i will have all the info updated and ready to go this week...ive been hopping back and forth between 2 computers (diff software on both), and at the same time trying to get lesson plans done before school is officially supposed to start...ah yes, the life of a homeschool family...

also in the middle of the 50/90 challenge...ive got...1...yes, 1 lyric set done...and a bunch of partially done songs...aaaahhh! its driving me nuts that i cant get more done..that and the promised recordings i need to get done...hoping that with school starting i will get back on a semi-normal schedule and get things done...been writing out lots of lists to keep up...

how's the guitar going you ask? FAIL! well not entirely...i just got off of my schedule when i went down south and havent gotten back in gear...but nails cut, reviewing chords and almost ready to go again!! still working towards my goal of at least 1 song on guitar come february!

and for the new album project "7 songs for 7 souls"...writing writing as i have time..which hasnt been much...fighting time, and i intend on winning...

my goals:
1. continue writing till the end of the year
2. gear up for FAWM in february...possibly do collabs with some of the songs
3. start creating sound library with organic sounds
4. next work out as much of the music/melody/chords that i can on my own
5. record demos
6. bring in musicians as needed
7. visit with vocal instructor to get ready to hit the studio
8. record album, hopefully done before end of 2011!

and that is all for now, till next time (hopefully much sooner that usual!)

current listening: kaki king, jen gloeckner, imogen heap, arms and sleepers, fever ray, project trio, the black keys, broken bells, massive attack, etc etc...

-p

Songwriting Tips

2010-05-21T23:28:00.001-07:00

An opportunity to contribute to a songwriting tips book came up & I thought I'd share what I came up with. Hope something might be helpful to another songwriter. I may elaborate further in a future blog post because this is just a pinch of the whole process.

Songwriting Tips

1. Be organized- Develop a way to organize all of your writings and recordings..the folder is your friend! Have one place to keep all of your scribble paper scraps & type them up often.

2. Have many ways to generate ideas- Sometimes just thinking isn't enough..you need to have other ways to make things click...go on "word hunts", uses dictionaries, thesauruses, encyclopedia resources of all types, rhyming books, listen to others for life stories, etc.

3. Learn an instrument no matter how old you are- You are never to old to learn an instrument or a new one. It can expand your songwriting abilities exponentially

4. Schedule time to write- Time is hardly ever on our side and life can get hectic. Schedule time to write, even if its just a short time each day or week.

5. Listen to others music for inspiration- Don't be afraid to listen to others music. There are many chords, etc that are used in many songs. Also use others music to trigger an emotion (in your self) you are looking to bring out in your own work.

6. Buy lots of loose leaf- Always keep a notebook or paper nearby. My preference has become folders with loose leaf so i can sort things as needed.

7. Write everything you are thinking while writing- No matter how silly you may think it is, write it down if you are thinking it while trying to write a song. It may inspire something else later. Write all of your thoughts, they will prove helpful later when that grand idea you started gets scrapped and you feel the need to go back to square one.

8. Collaborate- Two or more heads in a project can lead to some really interesting works, things that you might not of thought about on your own.

9. Always write, even when you feel the Muse isn't around- Even if some of your songs aren't the greatest, the practice of writing and creating needs practice to become better. Write and create as often as you can.

10. Don't be afraid to go back to revisit & rewrite, & maybe even ask for feedback- Sometimes we feel our creation is the greatest thing ever. But we might need to have another ear take a listen to find things we missed while we were knee deep in the creative process. We are all human and miss things sometimes.

current listening: Ariana Delawari, The National, etc...

-p

Guitar Studies Update

2010-04-21T22:09:00.001-07:00

with all the inspiration that was kicking after Feb. i went ahead and starting learning guitar..yay!(i think?) i have not yet gotten my official guitar yet..still clunking away on a crappy lil jr electric...

im getting my main chords down...a, c, d, e, g...working on f today and will bring in b a lil later...also have e7 down because i was working with a 3-chord progression when i started..whoohoo!

im starting to move through them a little faster..but still need lots of work....also working on individual strings to work out the fingers...like using first 4 fret sections, i go through 1st four sections on first string then repeat on other strings...
just starting to memorize the individual notes on the neck...thats gonna take awhile...

and today i was tinkering around with mary had a little lamb for my daughter...i thought it was pretty cool but she says it doesnt sound like it..haha! guess ive got some work to do!

not too shabby for a month or so? my goal is to be able to do at least 1 song on guitar for next FAWM

i did notice that i dont/didnt have much pain on my fingertips as i thought i would...maybe the first day or 2 then that was it...and ive made a point to set up on each of the chords and just slam away on the strings just to build that up...but it doesnt hurt..on one hand im like COOL! but then im worried i might be doing something wrong...but ive checked and doubled checked with books and vids, etc...so i dunno...

no matter what happens, whether im able to progress to a halfway decent player or not...im finding that im picking up more theory than i ever have, understanding it better than ever, and its sticking...the explanations im finding with guitar books, etc just make it a bit easier than piano...or so it seems...ive always just thought i have some hangup about the piano thats been holding me back..the stop and go from all these years...so maybe ill revisit the piano in the near future with my new found knowledge and do some piano slaying too!!! whoohoo!

the nugget has been enjoying my practices..when i get ready she gets all excited and tells me to play the chords so she can dance to them..hahahaha! so she is my encouragement :)

other than that not too much more to report...ive been slacking on the recording cause of not having much quiet time the past couple of weeks...hope to get that going again...i did get a set of backing done for one song and sent off at least for demo purposes...next up is attempting to do a video for an "audition" to sing "Earth" with Imogen Heap...dunno if ill get anything decent done but ill try...or maybe find another song i like and do a vid just for the XEW channel...i do have one or 2 up but they are kinda meh...

current listening: Phantogram, more FAWM'ers, new Peter Gabriel, Amanda Palmer/Dresden Dolls/Evelyn Evelyn...im actually trying not to listen to too much else till i get my own stuff done so im slacking in finding new stuff...

-p

Where I Am...

2010-03-07T16:26:00.001-08:00

Right now, I'm sitting in my recliner working on 2 older lyric sets I've been wanting to finish. But I've got a lot of thoughts rattling around in my head so I've got to stop for a second and get them out...been meaning to write up another blog now that FAWM is over.

So I finished up 15 lyric sets & 3 collaborations...and still have an interview collab and a cover of another FAWM'ers song to post...and an offer to do a few more collabs..whoohoo! It was such a productive month. And a very eye opening one also...

So where am I now with my music? Well, with my writing/lyrics...I feel I'm stronger than I ever have been. I made some changes at the end of last year, or rather brought back some methods I used to use and gave em some umph! I began to notice after doing so, that my writings were, imo, some of my strongest & most honest. But as usual I would get so far with them and stop, figuring I would have to finish later when the muse came back around. But then came FAWM and my new skills were put to the test. I started fresh with a handful of ideas and bits and pieces of lyrics I'd scribbled down over the years, along with some new scribbles that I got while doing a "word hunt" (going to library/bookstore and just looking for interesting words and phrases). The first set I wrote was called "Crash" where I wanted to deal with the car accident I was in a couple of years ago. At first I thought that I'd be working the lyrics through to the end with music and all, but decided to just spend my time getting all my ideas out and into lyric sets. I began to notice again that at some point I was stalling and about ready to just walk away and start on something new. But I wanted to keep up the schedule to at least write one song every other day. And so I made myself work through it. The muse was off to play, but I still had work to do. She just comes around to drop off the creative stuff then heads out and leaves the rough stuff for me..haha

After I finished, I was surprised at how quickly I was able to finish it, to the end, and I felt it was pretty good. Even had a music sample to go along with it that I use to start the demo.
I then went on to write:
Photograph - wanted a song about a photograph, and feelings when looking at them
Everybody Else's Muse - Talking about the Muse and how she works, etc
Lose Your Words - dealing with stage fright
At The Crossroads - a story of 2 musicians & how their lives crossed paths
Smile Again - a song playing around with words & breaking away from negativity
Hypocrite - title says it all...i wanted a song about the subject and wanted it to be very direct
Let Go - a musical letter to a young person struggling with teen troubles
Surrender - is about being split in 2 emotionally & finding that middle ground
Box Of Paints - touching on the subject of being American Indian & going on a journey to an emotionally deeper place
That Ol' Crazy Haired Boy - just having fun trying to right a blues song
Walk - a set I started then walked away from..I wanted to write about how walking is for me now and it turned into a song challenge to write from the point of view of an inanimate object...in this case, stairs...another musician wrote a piano piece for it that I hope to put together soon
Pretty Little Mistakes - wanted to write something off the wall and quirky without thinking...just writing what came out...
Are There Elephants In My House? - a silly song for a challenge to write something with a Dr. Seuss vibe
Hey Lou - Loteria challenge, a card was picked for each person, I got el diablito..and so we had a chat...
Playing Boxes (collab) - a song about friendship..was amazingly well received...loved working on a piano piece
Inspired (collab) - wrote the hook for a rap song..hehehe
Bitter Sweet (collab) - not much writing, a little adjusting but more of setting up a full song challenge, with everything coming from the other person...

I found that with each new set I was writing, my process with becoming streamlined. I wish that I had been able to delve more into the recording process and more song set ups from start to finish while working with others, but I still have more to go. I want to take a good look at how my work flow goes there, too, as I think it needs more work than my lyric writing...and I find it to be harder...writing is the easiest part of being a musician for me.

Also during all of this, I was thinking about being a musician and where I'd like to take it now that I sort of have the opportunity to do so. I always knew where I would like it to go but never put much thought into everything cause I never thought I'd ever have the time again to write, study, compose, etc...but now it is here...I guess my first goals are to create a stronger catalog of songs as demos...to explore more genres, work with a lot of different people and their processes. I want to continue with my "In The Nude" project doing a capellas and studying my voice technique. I want to take my knowledge of the recording process and software to the next level, and in the near future be able to officially open XEWMusic Studio to clients. I also hope to be able to get back on stage one day and get past this stupid stage fright crap...I would love to start out in backing &/or studio work with others.

So that is where I am...

-p

current listening: Electronic Indian Lounge music, other FAWM'er tunes, stuff I'm working on for collabs

My Muse

2010-02-05T22:26:00.001-08:00

Ya, her...so let me tell you about her...
She's a &$&%*^....she insists on having me write what I dont want to be writing...not that this is a bad thing...just not what I wanted to do right now!

I set out to write song #5 for FAWM starting last nite...I gathered my notes and typed them up to be ready to write the next day...well...I was going to write something answering the question "What was it like years ago for musicians before there were pop stars, fame, and fortune in music"...I even started doing some research to get a better understanding of the time periods before all of that came into our culture in America. Well, Miss Muse apparently had other ideas and took it off in another direction. I had no intention of touching the topic that came up. So we fought and she won out...and so the song At The Crossroads was born. Part of it is something that may have taken place, the rest...well, I dont know...maybe some weird prediction of sorts? Guess if I ever write an album called 7 songs for 7 souls, I guess it was!
(ps-excuse the previous blog post, Im testing somefin)

At The Crossroads

Walking down the old dirt road
His guitar slung across his back
Don't know where he's going
Just know they call him the man in black

Walking along side the bayou
To be somewhere else she preferred
Been searching for something
They only know her as the songbird

Hes a man bruised, battered & broken
She sets out to get lost along the way
They wanted to go where the land is pure
Rich & undiluted, where the psalms play

They met in a twist of fate
Their words in a parallel
At the crossroads
Where you could hear the church bell

Their hands & feet tired
As their sad eyes met
At the crossroads
A day they'll never forget

He asks, Where have you been?
She says, I've been waiting here
Come down this road with me
You have nothing to fear

I can show you what you've never seen
Bring you places you've never been

We followed the Muse
And wrote seven songs for seven souls
In a room with no view
Poured the oil for candles into the bowls

Can you see my imperfections
These facets of me
I put them on the table
Every blemish every impurity

They met in a twist of fate
Their words in a parallel
At the crossroads
But now it's time to say farewell

Their hands & feet tired
As their sad eyes met
At the crossroads
A day they'll never forget

©XEWMusic

-p

current listening: M83 & a bunch of FAWM'ers...

Something New

2010-02-05T14:03:00.001-08:00

FAWM'ing & Little Miracles

2010-02-04T15:25:00.001-08:00

So this month, I'm doing something called FAWM or February Album Writing Month. www.fawm.org

The goal is to write 14 songs in 28 days that you might use towards a new album. For me, thats not
my goal. Mine is to just write and sharpen the songwriting skills I brought back into play, and maybe
even add to them. I wasn't expecting to get much done, but after 3 days, I had 3 sets of lyrics done...
whoohoo! Already ahead of the game. And they didnt turn out too bad, could be better but one looks to
be shaping up pretty nicely and I may have a demo before months end too. Ill try to do another blog
when its over, if not before to update howw much I get done.

In other news, I began working on another project another musician asked me to do. I knew when I got
the project that I was in trouble and it was not going to sound too nifty. It was a really rough
recording from a show sometime back and I needed to add backing vox to it (and/or an acapella). Well, I
did both. The backing didnt turn out as horrible as I thought it would but it still was pretty rough just
cause the original could not be cleaned up enough to have the vox lay in the mix properly...havent heard back
on this yet, but something odd happened while working on it...

The Nugget has had issues with me singing around her for a while. For unexplained reasons, she started having
epic meltdowns anytime I would sing anything...its been going on for a year or 2...just not wanting me to
sing. The only things I could get out of her for reasoning was that I was annoying her and she was a better
singer than I. So i offered her to be the singer which she declined and ran away. So I've had to adjust how
I get my projects done so she wouldnt go nuts. But while I was working on this particular track, she was all
of a sudden fine with me singing. She even come sit by me and curled up with a big smile on her face. I didnt
know what to think! So far she has been ok with any singing, and even asks to hear another song I did by said
artist with me as backing (but Nug doesnt know its me, she thinks its a little girl, haha).

So some more interesting things so far. Hopefully I will have some new music to post before the end of the month,
or at least something to add to the demo player in the music section of my site...whoohoo!

current listening: Decoder Ring, La Roux, Nirvana, Endo Meso, & lots of other FAWM'er demos...

-p

Lots of good music news to start off the New Year!

2010-01-01T17:30:00.001-08:00

Physically, its been a rough year, especially the end as I went
through another nasty pain/spasm cycle...not fun...

BUT! lots of good music news...Im a lil behind posting because my
laptop took a nose dive and I cant get much done till a new puter
comes in...should be here in a couple of days!!!

SO...first we begin with the release of Retrospective! Finally! It is
up on iTunes, so check it out there, and you can also listen to the
full songs over on ReverbNation...

Next, the song Deep Sleep is featured on the Podcast Around Midnight
here: http://hudish.com/podcast.html Download it!

I took on a songwriting challenge with other SongWriting Scene
members...the lyrics are featured here:
http://www.songwritingscene.com/2009/12/songwriting-scene-winterseasonal.html
I also gave in and entered a song writing contest, lyrics only for
now, mostly just for the feedback...hope to hear back from that over
the next couple of months...

Awhile back, the song Just Like The Others was featured on
ReverbNation partnership with Windows...and hopefully sometime in the
next weeks, the song Pleasure Me will be featured on the Playlist
7...Ill post when/if it goes up so you can download it and get it
featured on the site!

I did a collaboration with AudioDef on the song "Trust"...check it out
on his site www.audiodef.com

If you scroll down a blog or 2, you'll find an alternate player of
demos...have lots of upcoming projects to finish up, lots of writing
has been done and much more to go!

Over the next weeks, I hope to be able to post another playlist
featuring the old recordings of my great-grandfather Ceasar
Vincent...and I also hope to be able to post another song I had my way
with, just waiting on permission to post it...whoohoo!

Hope everyone had a good holiday, Im looking forward to a productive
year musically! Hope yours is too!

-p

2009-12-04T19:59:00.001-08:00

added a new profile to ReverbNation to post my demos to...kind of my way of getting them out but not really...prob just gonna post it here for now and for feedback as i need it...

Songwriting Journey

2009-11-30T21:43:00.001-08:00

The past week, my energy has been very very low and oddly very tired
when Im normally not (no, its not that,

shut up)...and so...I have been spending alot of time just sitting in
my Lazy-Girl reading and thinking...at

least when I can keep my eyes open...
A couple of things Ive been wanting to do...figure out how to use
Twitter better, and find people to discuss

songwriting with...not so much to collaborate...but to talk about the
process, the art, and all that goes

with it...well...i figured out how to get a bit more out of Twitter,
starting with some links from Natalie

Brown's music biz pages (Thanks Nat for all your hard work!)
http://www.musicbusiness101.info/twitter-

marketing/
So one link led to another, and using Twitter better led to a
wonderful songwriting blog:

http://www.songwritingscene.com
Lots and lots of good ideas, info, and other blog links...Im currently
going back and forth reading the

Songwriting Scene and http://theshysinger-songwriter.blogspot.com/

The last really has me thinking...about my own songwriting/music
journey I have embarked on...even though Ive

been writing songs for almost 20 years (geez Im old!), I feel that
right now is like a new beginning...Im

really sitting down and looking to where I want to take things...where
I want to bring myself musically and

mapping out (at least mentally) how to get there...And like clockwork,
as I put things into perspective for

myself...what I need comes to me out of the blue...I was looking for
better Theory learning links, a musician

friend from Facebook starts posting a bunch of what I need (dont think
she knew I was looking!)...found the

awesome songwriter's links by accident...but perfect timing...cause Im
ready for them...I wanted them awhile

back...but maybe I wasnt really ready...ah well, whatever works!

I spent some time a few days ago writing a post to a girly chat
group...just looking for other stories, ideas

on how to handle some things...havent gotten any responses yet but
writing out whats been bothering me and

actually putting it out there for someone else to see kinda helped
kick start alot of my thoughts on

songwriting and what I wanted to do...One thing is to write a song
addressing the many blows to my musical

self-esteem...in particular an incident from my childhood that the
effects have stuck around way too long...I

had been trying for days to get it started...then something
kicked...and I was up till 8.30 in the morning

writing...havent finished that particular song but man did I get some
other ones going...and a list of other

song topics I want to touch on at some point...
Im still exhausted from that and just not having much energy...but
that writing kick start has stuck

around...whoohoo! Oh I hope it sticks around and lets me feel the need
to write everyday...even if its not

much...just being able to write out some thoughts to use for another
time would be awesome...
Im hoping to take on one of the song writing challenges on the
Songwriting Scene blog...to write a fall,

winter or holiday season themed song...I also had a friend ask me if I
had ever written/recorded any they

could use at a party....alas I have never touched on that subject but
I guess it is high time I do...gotta do

it XEW style ;)

music of the moment: whatever i have on the laptop drive since i still
dont have my data recovered yet...soon, though i hope!

-p

"Retrospective" album news...

2009-11-18T23:03:00.001-08:00

(Reposting from my ReverbNation email...)

Hello All!
First, let me say thanks for being a fan of XEW, always appreciated!
Next we have some news! Yes, finally...the long awaited
"Retrospective" album is about to be released! Whoohooo! We hope to
announce the official release date over the next week or 2.

We will be offering up a free track very soon. (Hopefully you didnt
miss "Just Like The Others" during a recent ReverbNation promo?)
There will also be a few "b-sides" added to the lineup in the near
future & maybe even a contest to win a free copy of the cd! YOU KNOW
YOU LIKE FREE STUFF DONT YOU!!!!!Be sure and check out other XEW
releases on iTunes along with unreleased tracks on the ReverbNation
player ;)

Much Love,-p

Follow XEW on Twitter: www.twitter.com/petra777
Join the fan page & group on Facebook...

Sign Up!

2009-11-18T22:25:00.001-08:00

2009-11-11T23:37:00.001-08:00

Lyrically Speaking...

2009-11-07T23:33:00.001-08:00

tonight im spending some much needed time lyric writing...i havent
been getting much of it done...if not for

time then because the inspiration just hasnt been there...but tonight
it is...although im not sure if its

inspiration or a crap load of anger that needs to come out some kind of way...

i dont think words will ever do justice to what it feels like to a
musician to be so deeply connected

emotionally to a pattern of words, a beautiful melody,etc....and have
it all just pour out onto a sheet of

paper....maybe it can be described as the walls of a dam breaking and
it all just comes flooding down the

river...which ever fits your fancy...

i stepped back the other day and began to think about all of the songs
ive written, how they came to me, or

how i came to them...

there are those that come cause the music calls it forth
there are those that flow so perfect that the music comes from them...
there are those that are born of an emotion, a thought, an event, etc
then there are those that have a life of their own, they come to you,
they may not "look" like your own...but

for whatever reason they have chose you to give them life...

this last group is kind of a new one for me...some have hovered
around, i could feel them near, but they kept

their distance...but theyve gotten braver, and a few have come to
visit...and if i try to ignore them, they

begin to haunt me...

me: hello, who are you?
strange lil song: your next song, they tell me youre a musician...
me: ya, but you arent one of mine
strange lil song: i am now, i can see youre ready...
me: ready for what?
strange lil song: to give birth to me
me: i dont think so...shoo!

and so begins me being haunted by strange lil song..always hanging
over my shoulder trying to get me to write

it...
maybe ive just reached a new point and my subconcious is allowing me
to reach down into new things that have

always been there, i just couldnt see them...in any case, a tale of
riding the rails during the depression, a

tragedy from an african genocide, and even a cajun song have made
their way onto the paper and hopefully soon

into my recorder....

music of the moment- Delirium, Royksopp, Tori Amos, Martina
Topley-Bird, and a few very old tunes from the 20, 30, 40s

-p

Video Blog and Other Things...

2009-10-02T00:46:00.001-07:00

hiya,

as always, ive got a huge gap in doing another blog...ive been very
busy with all of my own projects, life in general, and one of my new
adventures...homeschooling my lil nugget...although it can take up a
bit of time and has its exhausting moments...for the most part its
been very fulfilling...after over 2 years of being in severe pain and
feeling like being a mom was taken away from me, i feel like im there
again..to watch my nugget learning from the things i teach her...its
just amazing...and its effects on her are just as amazing...it calms
her down so much...well at least most of the time ;) we do lessons
and then she is off to play on her own quietly....i love it :) :) :)

my other reason for the lack of blogging is that i have been doing
most of my updates via statuses or twitter...same difference as they
all update with the same things...its just quite a bit easier although
i guess less information in one take....so if you havent already found
me there, search for xewmusic or petra777 i believe it is...also on
facebook, search XEW and there should be a group and a fan page
created to join...i havent pushed them much as i hate bugging
people...but once i get the cd done or have more flowing...ill be
torturing everyone...muhahahahaha!

personal update: i havent talked much about it in tweets cause i was
afraid of jinxing it, but i think my injuries may have reached another
level of healing...cause for the past 2? weeks, things have been semi
calm...im getting around a lil more (but still cautious)...the nerve
in my leg has only had minor aching with only one episode that was
taken down quickly with a lovely TENS unit...whoot! i know i still
have quite a ways to go but i love having it come down an obvious
level....when it goes on too long without much change i begin to worry
that ive hit the bottom in healing...

music update: well...lets see where i begin...before i headed out for
the south a couple of months ago, i recorded a handful of takes of
some covers...depeche mode, tori amos, etc...i wanted to step back
from my own stuff for a bit and start from the beginning, just like i
did years ago when i began recording...i wanted to concentrate on the
singing and not have all these ideas hitting me at all angles...it was
beginning to become counter productive...so i did a few acapella <sp>
covers along with some of my own stuff...i geared them to go with the
In The Nude project, where i try to avoid adding much to the
songs...just voice and only what is needed to create a mood...

another reason for this style was to step back and begin to hear my
own voice as it is...ive always had a habit of burying my vox in many
effects if not for fun, then to hide what i feel are all the
flaws....i hope to post those soon...i just have to get comfortable
with the idea of letting them out to be heard...and now also the same
with seeing myself...im working on a set of video blogs where i do
these and other songs straight up "nude"...im also hoping that
continuing to see myself will help my awful stage fright...i dont mind
getting on stage...but when i do...my mind goes blank and all the
words to the songs disappear...uuuggggg...
i also want the nugget to see that she doesnt have to be afraid...shes
been really into singing but shys up sometimes...i hope to inspire
some confidence in her so she doesnt have to go through what i am
now...im sure her videos wont be far behind ;)

so here is the first vid, short and simple...go easy on me, ok? im
not expecting anyone to oo and ah just to make me feel good about
em...if its really stank...say so, nicely though, k? ty

http://www.vimeo.com/6863120

in other music news...i did some backing vox for Audiodef for the song
"Trust"...check it out on his site www.audiodef.com
and J-Punch has released a song we worked on years ago...finally!
thought it had gone the way of the wind...check out "Yellowline"
(should be up on his site soon www.jpunch.com) or through system
recordings on youtube....

i hope to have the pics/artwork for the Retrospective cd done in the
near future...i know i know, i keep dragging it out but im bringing in
some help, so hopefully not too much longer...its so long overdue...

music of the moment: tori amos-flavor; bjork-where is the line; The
Project-Winter in June cd

-p

XEW is on the ALradio show!

2009-07-23T19:03:00.001-07:00

http://www.artistlaunch.com/

Have a free song up for download!

2009-07-20T00:21:00.001-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/windows?homepage=xew

"Just Like The Others"

even if its not your thing, please download..delete if you dont want
it...i could use the download #s ;)

thanks!

music news!

2009-06-18T01:06:00.001-07:00

yes, i have a few tidbits of news...nothing too big yet, but still good ;)

first, the Retrospective album is nearing an official release, still trying to get the photos for the artwork...its been a challenge with so much going on lately...headed out on a trip so hopefully we will have time to get some good shots...in the meantime you can check out the album songs here: http://www.last.fm/music/XEW/Retrospective or a mix of the songs are here: http://www.reverbnation.com/xew

next, the song "Just Like the Others" will be available for free starting june 24th at ReverbNation...ill post the official link as soon as it is ready...

and last, the "In The Nude" project is moving along, several new songs being worked on, including a few covers ill prob add to the XEWMusic site for free...

oh, one more...i hope to have hard copy cds available soon, just trying to finish setting up the artwork/covers...ill post when they are done!

music of the moment: Air

-p

just because...

2009-05-04T12:14:00.001-07:00

i havent written in a while...a new post...

i dont think i have much to post about...weve either all been sick off and on or the weather is blah so we cant get much done....

we had friends here for about a week and got out a bit...lots of fun visiting with them...not much else for the holidays...

music wise...not much to report except we might finally be getting a new puter for the studio stuff cause my laptop isnt cutting it anymore...and hopefully then i can get back to my projects that i havent been able to work on in so long...
i hope to also finally get the photos done for the newest cd....been waiting on the weather to warm up and stop raining so i can go outside! or at least not have to wear long sleeves...it is so long overdue and getting it out will also help me to move on to new things....

hopefully more to report in the near future...

current music: not much, puter wont let me listen to anything!
-p

The Gift of Knowledge

2009-03-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

in all of my manic sewing projects i have going on...i also bought the Nugget a few crafty things to work along side of me so she doesnt get bored...well, i got her some cotton yarn...id been occupied with other projects, but i kept eying the ball of yarn and wondering if i could still do the knit chain i used to be able to do when i was in elementary school? man its been forever...my great aunt emily taught me how to do it...i never got the hang of hooking the chaining together and i moved on to other things...i was digging through all my sewing stuff and found an old knitting needle...i think my original one was a metallic blue one :) ill have to ask mom if she has it...anyway...i picked up the yarn and needle tonight and gave it a try...and low and behold i can still do it! it was so amazing to still be able to do it...neato! so i made the Nugget a necklace...ive been making her little things every couple of days...

i got some porn in the mail today...

2009-03-07T22:51:00.001-08:00

on a postcard from a friend...

visit here for more: Porn!!!!! (thanks liz)

catching up and getting my head in a better place...

2009-02-19T23:21:00.001-08:00

i know i know its been awhile again...the end of the year holidays kept us very busy, and then the first part of 2009 has been a rough one...i wanted many times to just sit and write, but i needed to let events play out first...

so the holidays were good...not too much going cept visiting family nearby...and i was gearing up to start a new therapy, aqua therapy in the beginning of jan...well, in the background down south a bit of drama started up with my grandfather being ill...it was up and down...a hospital visit in november, then he was released to a relative to suposedly finish recovering...unfortunately complications came up and he was sent back to the hospital (a different one this time) and things went downhill a bit more...according to the docs he would be fine if he just followed their orders, took his meds, etc....but for some reason he just gave up and wouldnt eat or take any meds...he wouldnt tell anyone what was going on in his head either...without his meds his heart was too weak and gave out (or so we believe)...

i was planning on going down..i wanted to go before things got to where they were but thought i could hold out till late jan, and then when i was told things looked to be getting better i thought i could wait till my usual trip time in april....but it didnt work out that way and i went down early jan...
so i cancelled all appts and waddled my way down south with the Nugget to be with mom...having Nugget there was a good distraction for her so she didnt have to think about it all so much all at once...

next up was the drama that goes along with these unfortunate situations...then i threw the muscles in my right arm out of wack again and had to spend a couple of days visiting the doc in baton rouge...a couple of structure headaches that messed up another couple of days...but otherwise it was ok...could have been worse i suppose...

during that time it seemed everyone was getting sick, but i was able to hold it off...at least until i got back home...couple of days after getting back the runny nose kicked in...and ive been fighting it off since...fun fun...i did begin aqua therapy but havent gotten too far with it cause of the cold...this week has been pretty rough...i wanted time to just chill out but not like this!

along with all of this, some other issues creeped up again...while down south i had another allergic reaction kick in...i was freaking out cause the thing i thought was making it react at home wasnt here so what was it this time?? last time i was at mom's i did have one of the reactions and i was suspecting a couple of things so i started covering things to try and figure it out...and it seems that whatever the couch is made of or a chemical that is put on it is the reactant...as soon as i put a blanket over the area i was sitting it calmed down....so....when i got home i headed back to the allergist to figure out what to do next...we decided to do a patch test...3 sticker panels put onto my back with 29 different common chemical allergens...i know...eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww....the stuff on them is horrid...to see the list check out www.truetest.com

the test didnt seem to give us any answers on the fabric end (the couch and blanket that caused them were polyester)...but i had nasty reactions to nickel and isothiazolinone...nickel is self explanatory but iso blah blah...well...cant say it nor its other names but its in just about everything conventional...soaps, shampoos, makeup, lotions, etc...tons of stuff that goes on the skin and more...which explains why i could never put much on my skin without reactions..some of which were really bad (pantene will tear up my scalp so bad that it bleeds)...
on the fabric end of things, we began pulling all polyester items and bagging it to see if the reactions would go back down...so far so good but that also means about 75% of all fabric type items in the house are now bagged...unbelievable....even though we dont know for sure if its the exact reactant or just those 2 items metioned previously due to chemicals, we decided not to go back...weve been wanting to go eco-friendly in all ways...just not this fast, but since weve already resigned ourselves to giving up all this stuff we figured we might as well finish it off...the reality of how much stuff in our lives that is not good for us nor the environment is mind boggling...after all the research i dont think i could go back anyway...so come the beginning of april, we are dragging all the insanity over to the town flea market and selling what we can...its gonna be hard to let go of things with memories attached to them...i have to keep reminding myself that we will have new ones with new things...the hardest to get situated with is the winter things cause most warm items are all poly or other man-made materials...so hopefully the warm weather will come quickly and we can find things for the next winter during the year...

so enough of that for now...music news...the 3 older XEW cds are up at Itunes...whoot! hopefully i will get my cd printing system in order soon so i can get hard copies out to various sources for showcasing, etc....we were hoping for a feature on Itunes but with all the drama of jan i wasnt able to get things set up :( no recording lately cause of this crazy cold...im just starting to get my voice back...

aight...more lately....falling asleep...

music of the moment: little dragon- twice

-p

WOW

2008-12-16T20:41:00.001-08:00

so im digging around on the net trying to get all of my XEW info
gathered up for a proper discog and I came across a couple of cool
things...first I didnt realize I was on so many compilations & such
for 3 songs I did with J-Punch...whoot!

and then this little gem popped up:

http://lcweb2.loc.gov/diglib/ihas/loc.natlib.grace.200040735/default.html

apparently my version of Amazing Grace was added to a Library of
Congress collection....WOW

youd think someone would have informed me! so now my great
grandfathers music is in the smithsonian, and im in the library of
congress...WOW

-p

A Little Announcement...

2008-12-13T22:14:00.001-08:00

so ive been feeling kind of crummy the past weeks...and today i
started feeling pukey...
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and then i found out...
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THAT IM NOT PREGGERS! ha! gotcha didnt i? i know how you moms are..teehee

Nope, the big announcement is that I found out today that 2 of my
older cd's are going live on Itunes on or about Dec 22 & Jan 6 will be
the official Itunes release of "The Next Step" cd and will also be
featured...whoot!
Both albums are older and not the greatest material, but its a start
and getting me set up in the larger online venues.
From there we will see how the marketing works and will be officially
releasing "Retrospective" a little ways into the year(I'm uploading it
as I type to www.watunes.com if you want to hear it early). It's
finished except for the artwork, which I hope to have done after the
holidays. Whoot!
Currently XEW is featured on the home page of Watunes, ArtistLaunch, &
Top40charts. We will also be added the albums to Emusic, Napster & a
few others over the coming weeks/months.

So I have a musical bundle of joy on the way :P

The Continued Transformation of the Songstress

2008-10-28T23:21:00.001-07:00

ive been continuing to feel kinda blank..just going in and out of days
and feeling like im not getting much of what i want to acomplish done.
but although it feels that way..ive actually had alot happen...ive
been doing a ton of reading...cause i cant get my brain to do much
else with my body..haha anyway, yes lots of reading. when u have
something happen in life that sets off your emotions and sends them
into overdrive, you dont always know how to bring them back down to a
calm level. you are angry, or sad, or in such shock..and you want
answers..why? how could that happen? why dont they understand? so
you go on a journey for answers, or at least an understanding of how
to calm the internal chaos and move on.

so onto a new journey we go...at first it seemed fruitless...and then
i was given some things to check out...i found lots of amazingly
written pieces...many the start of things i has been trying to put
into words for a while...i could feel what i wanted to say, but needed
the universal communication...and so it was inspiring...and i hope it
continues...

for the moment it has not struck up my songstress, she seems to have
cowarded away when i lost my voice to an allergy...so i guess she is
waiting for me to come and drag her back out...
soon, but not yet...i needed a break from everything...i needed to
shut down for a little while...life has revolved around doctors etc
for a year and a half...mentally im burnt out...and knowing ive still
got more to go wasnt helping...i started just going through the
motions and stagnating....so a break was in order....i hope to snap
out of it quickly...im searching for the motivation i need to get
though the last round of insanity...but i am looking forward to the
burst of energy and high that should be on its way soon...

this week was a rough one...im still dealing with the neck and
shoulder issue but it seems to of settled but is still very
delicate...we have a bday party this weekend to get through...then a
tooth filling started falling apart, and then today i cut open my
finger pretty bad (BONUS! gauze is stuck on the open part and i cant
get it off :\ ) but i guess its to be expected...a friend of mine
said to me once that things with me just cant be normal...its always
to one extreme or another...i dont know why but it seems true...if i
can get some normalcy for just a bit, then i can go back and handle my
crazy exsistence...

listening to: various Tori Amos songs (puter seems to be playing them
again, yay! ive missed my tunes) & some various Ani Defranco

Essay 3; Some Things We Don't Want to Talk About

2008-10-28T22:35:00.001-07:00

Essay 3 Some things we dont want to talk about...

There are a lot of difficult issues in life that we must confront. For
me, this political race (and a few other events) have really made me
sit and think about
how I really feel about a lot of things. A few things happened that
have led to me writing all of these essays. Again I must state that I
am writing these from the point of view of faith since that has been
used to try to justify some things sent my way.

As I talked about in the end of my second essay, I do not favor
abortion. And the reality of it is that very few people really do
either. It is not abortion itself people are for, but the right to
make decisions for one's self without the government telling you what
you can and can't do in your personal life, short of being way out of
line, of course. Abortion unfortunately falls into this right, as
does the right to choose NOT to abort should issues with a pregnancy
show up.

Legislating these things is an easy way out. Legislating means we
don't have to do any work, like maybe getting out there and helping
teach people how to make good decisions on their own, teaching people
to be responsible, to be decent parents, to bring information to
people, and from the point of view of faith, to bring the word of God
to people.

But here is something interesting. It's been almost 36 years since
Roe v Wade. In this time there have been 7 presidents. Only 2 have
been Democrats, during only 12 of those 36 years. It seems to be that
traditionally Republicans are against abortion in full. So why didnt
any of these 5 presidents in 27 years ever try to change it? RvW also
happened under a Republican prez. And the rate of abortions continued
to gain, and has been steady for a while, despite all the discussion
and hand-wringing. So do you think outlawing them is going to bring
that number down? Or will they just become secret and statiscally
uncalculated? If what we have done in 35 years hasn't changed the
situation, then what will?

Just for kicks, let's look at what the situation would be if it were
completely outlawed again. Just as people found ways to do it before
RvW, they will also do it if laws were overturned. Instead of trying
to place judgment on someone for the situation they are in, why don't
we offer a ways to turn it around?

Education is number 1. To educate parents on how to guide their
children on the right path so they don't end up in this sort of
situation in the first place. To educate the people in that situation
on the other options they have. To actually be able to give them more
options, such as support and opportunities to have/care for their
child instead of leaving them to feel they cannot raise a child
without the necessities for life. Life in America today has made it
very difficult to raise a child, even in a two parent home.

It becomes apparent that abortion is not a single issue that can be
fixed by outlawing it. Instead of simplistic absolutism we have to
look at the full picture. Everything connects. Abortions, the economy,
human rights, poverty, race, homelessness, education, employment/jobs,
trade, foreign relations, war, etc. Every hot issue during this
political race and more. They all connect. (It is my goal to outline a
simple explanation of these connections in another essay)

I had hoped to post this essay much sooner. But it did not come to me
as easily as the others. And as always, there will always be more to
say on the subject. For another articulation, check out:

http://www.sojo.net/blog/godspolitics/?p=3009

It was exactly what I needed to put my ideas into type. Thanks Jim @ Sojourners.

Feeling Blank...

2008-10-16T16:23:00.000-07:00

and dyslexic...sheesh!

Ive been trying to get another 2 essays and some other blog posts done, but my brain seems to have shut down. I sit down with the document, ready to start typing, and....NOTHING! Just blank...*sigh* And my fingers seem to have become somewhat dyslexic, Im constantly mistyping words left and right. I guess Im just pooped. Ive been having some days when I think things are finally going to steady out and prob will be solved...but then some other stupid thing happens. First the leg/back stuff...think thats getting better then the allergic reaction...then that clears up and i strain out my neck and shoulder on the right....joy! Oh well....
Hopefully when this new prob clears up...and if nothing else happens, Ill be able to slowly start work on the Amazon store again..whoohooo! Other than that we are just preparing for the Nugget's bday party in 2 weeks...ack! Its sneaking up on us! So much to do to get the house ready! Hopefully we can finally get the main level in order this weekend. I havent been able to move anything and John has been pretty busy. At least we got the cake ordered!

In other news, I havent been working on music much lately. After the allergic reaction mess...I kind of emotionally shut down...maybe thats whats wrong. I need to snap out of it and get working. I was just so frustrated, I couldnt get out much already and then to loose my voice for several weeks was just too much. And now the arm/neck stuff keeping me from starting work again...blah...

Well, soon enough things will sort themselves out...but in the meantime, waiting sucks!

Listening to: Recline (compilation), Abdel Ali Slimani, Deep Forest III, Ani Defranco, Melenium X (check him out at top40charts.com )
Reading: Tori Amos: Piece by Piece

type type type

2008-09-11T23:07:00.001-07:00

i was hoping to have more essays done by now but this week has been filled with doc appts, so i have not been able to get much done...so a quick update for now...

im working on 3 & 4 and hope to be done soon...

im still going through physical therapy and prob will be for a while longer, but i can finally report that the nerve in my leg that was continually setting off has finally calmed down...it has made a huge difference in how i feel and what i can do...i think im a bit more comfortable getting out now but still in controlled situations if the nugget is with me...i still cant run nor pick her up....most of my probs keep rotating around from hip, knee & ankle/foot...prob cause im moving around more and the muscles havent been used in full for so long...i still have to keep a cane handy cause my leg weakens up sporadically and my balance is off...but im getting there!!!! i have also decided to put off having another round of injections to see how much more i will progress....
my allergic reaction is still kicking, but not as bad as the first round...i went to an allergist and did the skin test...found out that im allergic to dust mites, cat & birch tree...dust i get...cat im surprised cause ive always had cats and the one i have now ive had for 8? years...birch is a new one...and guess what kind of material all the hard wood floors and kitchen cabinets we just put in are made of? yep...birch....so we have to call back the doc and ask if the test was for pollen from the tree or contact with the wood...but even with all those findings i still dont know whats causing the reaction...*sigh*

music news: the cd tentatively titled Retrospective is almost done....the music is put together in order...only one or 2 minor changes, and i will get the artwork done as soon as the allergic reaction is calmed and im done!!! whooooohooooo! then ill be back on to finishing a few collaborations and my other 2 music projects....yay!

-p

current listening- K-os, Siouxsie & Banshees (superstition & the one with Peek a boo)

lots of facts

2008-09-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

info has also been printed in newsweek (i recommend reading it...she is alone on the cover) that i was reading today, and in several other major publications, etc....info can be looked up to be confirmed...

my prediction: will be used as a scapegoat in a scandal..and if not then will dig the whole that much deeper than what is listed out in this article...

http://www.andrys.com/palin-kilkenny.html

Essay 2: "Wait, you believe in abortion?!?!?!"

2008-09-07T11:13:00.001-07:00

"wait, you believe in abortion?!?!?!?!"

its usually the first thing i hear when my political views are revealed...for

some reason, if you have any association with anything democratic, you must be

for abortion...oooo boy....
let me say this again as i have before, assuming is a dangerous thing...

having an understanding of the thing you are against is just as important as

understanding the thing you are for....if you ignore the other side, you miss

a lot of important things...like maybe the fact that you might actually be, or

are afraid to be, wrong? or maybe understanding the other side so you know how

to better explain your point of view?

as i stated in my other essay, many a year ago politics may have been a bit

more black and white...but today it is not...saying you are republican or

democrat does not mean that you are fixed on a stereotypical set of ideas each

label has....a label...thats what it is...a way to group people together on

each side and throw stones back and forth...cause if you are in a group then

you can't be attacked alone, ya? but life is not black and white...not

everyone that is labeled is that label...not everyone from iraq or afghanistan

is a terroist...not everyone who says they are christian will actually

be...not everyone who is Muslim is a bad person...i could go on forever with

so many examples...

Government is an important part of any country. It is a necessity. But

government is run by people and people are prone to getting a big head with

money and/or power. So for people there are rules, and for government there

are rules...each meant to protect the other side. That's why the constitution

was made. To give each side a clear line of division and what was expected of

the other. The difference in political views today is where/how that line

should be drawn. Life has gone in some pretty unexpected directions. When the

constitution was created, no one would have ever expected we would go from

simple living: on a farm, growing & hunting your own food, worshiping in peace

(remember England, Declaration of Independence and why people came here in the

first place??), etc., to where it is today. But our country has undergone some amazing changes. I'm

sure you could argue that it is good or bad but I think most people today

would, if given the choice, not go back in time to live in a time before our

many luxuries (ah there goes that man knows best stuff perhaps). So as we

continue to change, we must look at what we need to do to keep the line of

balance in check.
There have been many changes, and recently even more that now effect that line

again. So we, over time, have infrequently amended the constitution to reflect

our changing world.
It has been said in many writings, that a strange event happened that

surrounds the signing of the constitution. It is said that the gathered men,

who were writing and discussing the constitution, were afraid to sign for fear

of retaliation from England. But an unknown man stood up and gave an amazing

speech that convinced all to sign without any doubts. Then they went to find

the man to thank him and he was gone, never to be seen again, and no one knew

who he was...to me, and to many others, it is viewed as a divine intervention,

and how could it not be, considering this was a document that laid out our

country and how it would work infinitely. One of the parts of it gives

direction on how to amend the constitution as needed. So in my opinion i'd

have to say that each of the current amendments has its place in coming from

that intervention also.
The first amendments are an amazing thing. The bill of rights is very straight

forward. The first Amendment addresses the rights of freedom of religion

(prohibiting establishment of a religion over another religion through law and

protecting the right to free exercise of religion), freedom of speech, freedom

of the press, freedom of assembly, and freedom of petition. In the past weeks

I have seen this amendment being hammered in ways I never thought I would and

by people I'd never expect. Our country was created on the premise that it is

free for all...to live, worship & speak freely. Even with a majority of one

group to another, none should be above each other, we are all granted these

freedoms.
In today's digital age, we get each others beliefs in our inbox in the blink

of an eye. One I received, had a speech Obama made several years ago, and it

was cut up a bit to create a very different meaning to fit the agenda of

someone else's message: http://www.youtube.com/v/4FCNKwHRCQM The basic

message from the video was that Obama was mocking the Bible. The real speech:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/28/us/politics/2006obamaspeech.html?

pagewanted=5&_r=1&ref=politics was him explaining that we are a nation of

many religions, and when it comes to government and what it dictates, we have

to take into consideration the first amendment. Now think about it. We are a

country of 300+ million people. That's alot of beliefs and opinions! So how

do you accomodate that? Do you pick one belief system and the rest will just

have to deal with it? So the video message goes on to say/imply that Obama is

out to turn us into a nation other than christian. Um. The whole nation is not

christian and never has been. The constitution gave everyone the right to

worship what they believed, and yes it was based on christian beliefs. It would

be easy to have everyone on the same page believing the same thing. But as we

know, not everyone will believe the same way. Not everyone is going to accept

being a christian in their lifetime. And to think that you can force that upon

someone goes against what being a christian and what the constitution are. The

bible states that we have all been given free will. It has also stated that

not everyone will accept Christ. Yes it is a christian's job to bring the word

of Christ to everyone, but you cannot force it upon anyone. Everyone has a

choice to make. And that choice is between that person and God, not between

you as the judge and that person.
And with that, gov't has no business forcing people to believe what they do

not want to believe. The first amendment says that no religon shall be the one

religion...and to think that one is, is arrogant. As a christian, I think it

is important to humble ourselves, to not feel that we are better than anyone

else, not even those who do not believe as you do. Instead of trying to bring

forth legislation to force someone to be a christian, or do as a christian, we

should be bringing the word of God to others, so they might actually have a chance to BE a

christian. Then we would have no need to legislate it.
Now let me also state this: christian does not equal fundamental evangelistic

baptist or any other fancy title we create for our group of people, nor does saying you are christian=you are good. Christian

is christ-like, plain and simple. It needs no modern, updated label. It is not only what you say, but what you do. I am

still trying to figure out where that label (fund. evan..) came from. Because it wasn't a term I

ever remember as I grew up. It only seemed to surface a number of years ago.

And it was about that time that I noticed many people begin to change. Maybe

that political marketing thing?

Now after all of this, you are still asking yourself, "so, DO you believe in

abortion?" No I do not think it is right to abort a child since they are alive

at conception. How this and gov't come together I will elaborate in another

essay. If you spent your time worrying about that question this whole time

instead of paying attention to what I had to say, then at the very least

scroll back and read the 3rd to last paragraph over again..."Instead of trying

to bring forth legislation to force someone to be a christian, or do as a

christian, we should be bringing the word of God to others, so they might

actually have a chance to BE a christian. Then we would have no need to legislate it."

musician note:the inner deep part of an animal or plant structure

2008-09-06T22:53:00.001-07:00

as a musician or especially a vocalist/lyricist...i recommend watching this documentary on the making of medulla by Bjork
it will make you rethink your vocals, music and maybe even the self...

much of what is shown has been going through my head and ive been working it out...but to see it taken that next step is amazing...its amazing to know someone else was thinking it....it is very similar with what i hope to acheive with my In The Nude project...

-p

so much for free speech....

2008-09-05T12:28:00.001-07:00

i dont know about you guys...but if there is something i do not agree with and feel the need to say it and peacefully protest...i want to be able to do it...and not be arrested...and not be arrested and charged with TERRORISM....this stuff is insane...

The unreported arrests:

http://www.democracynow.org/2008/9/5/nearly_400_arrested_on_last_day

Spying on the protesters and charging them with "conspiracy to riot in
furtherance of terrorism" for protesting:

http://www.democracynow.org/2008/9/5/ramsey_county_sheriff_admits_local_police

http://www.democracynow.org/blog/2008/9/3/call_to_action_on_behalf_of_dn_journalists_facing_charges_for_reporting_on_the_republican_national_convention

http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/20080903_why_we_were_falsely_arrested/

Essay 1: Faith & Environmentalism

2008-09-04T23:37:00.001-07:00

With all of the political drama going on, you can't help but

think about all of the issues surrounding November's

election. It will have an impact on how you decide to vote.

And ultimately how our lives will be impacted the next 4

years and beyond. But I am dismayed with much of the information that is out there.

Or should I say how much of the correct information is lost

in the marketing and not getting to where it can be heard. But

I guess that is to be expected, I mean it is politics, direct

facts upfront isn't its strong point.

Lots of things are being said, discussed and passed along in

our digital age. I'm getting quite a bit in my inbox. How

about you?

Even though some of it is way out there, I'm glad

that I've had the chance to see so many of them. It gives me the chance

to see how people are thinking and why they are choosing the

person they support. And it blows my mind. Many are things

that are very obvious attempts to attack the opponent at

all costs. Even if it isn't true. I was able to look up

every one of the forwards and the factual information was very

accessible and available in many credible venues. But I'm not

getting many factual or intelligent forwards.

I want the facts. I want to be able to make an intelligent, informed decision.

But it doesnt look like a lot of people feel the same. Many

want to have someone like them in this position of power:

I assume because they think it will help with the issues that

concern them. For some it is having a person of their color,

others a person of their gender. And others still for what is

in their personal best interest. Obviously choosing based

solely on race or gender is not a wise idea. And considering

just the self is just arrogant.

But my biggest concern is

that so many people have turned politics and their decisions

into faith vs non-faith...or so that's what it's being made out

to be. I guess many years ago, before an industrial age... or

maybe a bit closer, maybe the 50s?... that may have rung true.

But with the introduction of full scale mass marketing into the

political arena, this is no longer true. What each side may

have started out with has been hyped up with marketing, as

the snakes slither in and pretend this is what they are.

And it's not just on one side. It happens on both sides, we all

know this. But right now it has become very transparent.

OK, so

you're rolling your eyes right now, I get it. Thats why I

decided to write this essay to explain in a new way why I

feel this to be the case, to my family, to my friends, and to

anyone who is willing to listen. And in order to do that I've

decided to take the point of view of faith.

The majority of my audience reading this have faith as the

center of their views. But I've watched over the years how

faith has gone from being followed in the right way, to straying

off in directions I wouldn't have expected and don't always agree

with.

My first matter of issue is one I feel is pretty obvious. And

I'm blown away when people dont get it. Oil. Drilling. Energy

issues. This has been a concern for many years because, let's

face it, there's no way to know how much oil is available to

us in our earth. And at some point it's gonna run out. It is

not infinite. And with the way we overconsume it's getting

used up pretty quickly. We've become dependent on oil in all of

our everyday activities. We have created a world around us

that is dependent on it. Not such a smart thing.

But, we can break away from it being a need, to it being an option.

The resources & technology to make the switch are available.

OK, so now you're asking how does faith come into play here?

Well let me throw out a few things to see if you agree.

First, we have been given the gift of this earth. It was

given to us perfect with everything we would ever need with

it. Time and experience have shown that if you take care of

it, it takes care of you, and if you abuse it, it will abuse

you. I mean it was a gift from God, and it is believed that God is

in everything here. Would you want to mess up something like

that? We were also given the gift of the sun, the wind, the

water and many other amazing, natural things. And since the

beginning of time they have been proven to be amazing sources

of energy/power. They have also been proven time and again

that they are clean & non-invasive to us and our earth. Why

were things like windmills created? Or mills that used water power?

But we as man

thought we knew better and that man-made was the way to go. We

thought we could do more things faster than God. So we

found things like oil and coal and made things that used

them as a source of power. And they made things move really

fast!

In comes the industrial age with no thought of what the

consequences could be as we decided we knew better than God.

So at this point we have new man-made things needing a

constant power source. And with that someone is thinking they

can make the almighty dollar on that. That has been a

constant over time and can lead to greed, and greed doesn't

lead to anything good. The search for "black

gold" requires tearing up first the land by

digging and then the shores and seas.

And if you find something it can be dangerous. Then

once we've removed all that we can, don't you think there's

gonna be a big empty hole where the oil or coal once was? What do you

think the long term effect of that might be? Land caving in?

Changes in geology? Changes in the environment? And what about the waste

and byproducts of all this activity, production and consumption?

If you are still with me, let me summarize. God gave us a

beautiful earth, the we decided man knows best so we began

tearing it up and polluting it. Now we've got issues and want

to go back to basics to fix it. Or at least some of us do.

How could I put it any simpler for someone of faith? We've

become a nation of gluttons that use and use without a care as

if nothing ever ends or changes. Last I checked, being a glutton &

being greedy were sins, and sins catch up to us. And these

are about to catch up to us in a big way.

People already must

choose to buy gas vs. food because if they can't get to work

then everything would fall apart without a paycheck. People can't buy
food because

chasing the wrong energy alternatives is diverting food to fuel and
driving up prices.

We've crafted our lives around something that is not infinite and

is not in our hands. It's in the hands of business.

Businesses that make obscene amounts of money. How many human

beings do you know that can handle that kind of money and

power without it going to their head?

Now to connect all this to today's political situation, we have a

president and administration that is personally involved in the

oil business. This administration's chosen successor agrees with

and wants to continue these same ideas, policies and paths

concerning oil.

I dont know about you, but the idea of bringing back God's

beautiful, clean energy is pretty appealing to me. To know

that I have these to use to live and can still take care of the

beautiful gift of this earth is amazing. To know that with

the gift of these I don't have to be dependent on those of greed is

amazing. To know that I have these and they would keep me

from being an overconsumer is amazing.

mmmm blog posts..yum!

2008-08-24T17:06:00.001-07:00

i wrote a nice lengthy blog post the other nite and made the mistake of typing it up in the myspace blog area and then i didnt copy it before i tried to post...and of course when i hit post it gives me an error and going back gave me a blank blog post...so once again myspace ate my blog post...ggrrrr...so lets try this again...hopefully ill remember everything...

i hoped to get a blog post up earlier but between myspace eating my original post and having a friend from down south visiting up here i was not able to come back and rewrite it..ah well...ok music stuff first...

i began 2 new songs in the past week or so...the first hit me, of course, when im no wheres near a recording device, and since it had no words yet i knew i was going to forget it quickly...so i had to keep humming it over and over till some words came to me...and amazingly they popped up pretty quickly...but not exactly what id expect of my usual writing...it began to morph into this very old song...one that might come about in the early 1900's when riding the rails was a way of life for many....like i said not something id expect to come up with...but its perfect for my "In The Nude" project...as of now its acapella and i may add in a few organic percussions..."alive right here" i hope to have done soon...one step closer...

the second song was born of this 1st one...totally not the same...but i was digging around in my arsenal of sounds looking for percussion ideas and came across a combination that i liked as a new song...then i needed lyrics so i decided to look at a few that id already wrote that i hadnt worked up the music for and low and behold a set id been wanting to work on fit nicely...and so "go to sleep" is in production...another i hope to finish as soon as i get my throat back in order (allergic reaction to something...ill talk about it further down)

watching my own changing creative process has been interesting...i would have thought at this point id be surrounded by electronic music equipment that i used to create all of my music but ive actually gone a bit in the other direction..preferring to find organic and live sounds...and to appreciate and incorporate their imperfections into the song...

other stuff...well the past week or so since the last blog has been kinda rough...i think the way things have gone with all the medical stuff has just caught up to me...ive been able to hold it together even on the worst of days but im stuck in the middle now...before it was obvious i was a mess, stuck in bed on meds...everyone around me knew where i was each day cause it was obvious...u could see it...but now its different...i can get around the house somewhat...i can do a few more things...i might even seem somewhat normal and maybe even better..and in some ways i am...much better...but im not all the way there yet...but im expected to be there and act like it if i LOOK it....so ive tried to do some things that should be normal...and all with not so good results on the physical end...and even worse mentally...away from the music im a mess...wondering if each day will take me a couple steps back again...or is it going to make me LOOK a bit more normal so that those around me have the expectation that i should be also....

the appointments have been getting to me also...im so sick of them i wanna scream...then to add to it all i now have a whole new set of them because i had some kind of allergic reaction come to a head this week...first a sore throat on and off for a week....then part of my face swelled up, then i broke out in some kind of rash, and then other places started getting broken out itch spots on ears, neck, etc...so more meds, more appts, and the first step/appt to getting to whats going on with my leg had to be cancelled due to the new meds interfering with the results...i swear its always something...but im trying to keep an open mind...maybe there is a reason that its getting put off...we will see i suppose...

in between all this insanity i did get out the past 2 days...a friend was visiting here for work with her hubby so we met up with them and gave them a tour of DC on friday, then did a few things in baltimore on sat...lots of fun...and today we are recovering/resting...sooooo tired and sore...i knew the walking would get to me, i just didnt know how much...i needed to test where i was physically so off i went...well my leg went weak pretty quickly but didnt hurt too much on the first day...but i could tell something was up with my knee though...the second day my knee started out wonky and went down from there...im surprised i made it through the day...today i cant bend my knee without pain and hip and part of thigh are wonky too...light lower back ache...blah...oh well...

and there you have it for the moment...i have other thoughts to get out so maybe i can type those up later...

-p

she just went nuts...

2008-08-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

New set of Nugget songs and stories...

Cinderella and the Lost Kitten

Dinosaur ate a Monster

Mary and the Pink Kitten

Mary & Ring Around the Rosie

Princess and a Pony

Ring Around the Rosie

Snow White and a Pony

Dramatic Version of Twinkle Twinkle

Cinderella and 3 Dancing Princesses

Baby & Pink Dress

Barbie and Little Lamb

Barbie and Kitten

not that you need to tell me....

2008-08-18T10:53:00.001-07:00

http://therealmccain.com/?utm_source=rgemail

Following in Mommy's Footsteps...

2008-08-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

Nugget & Headphones

I'm trying to get some recording done today and Nugget comes up to me and out of no where just starts singing...luckily she was close enough to the mic to pick it up without putting it up to her and scaring her away...I've been wanting to get her singing recorded to make a little cd for her fam and friends...and now I think I've got it started! They arent the quality I'd like but it will have to do till she is comfortable enough to get on the mic on her own...

The Nugget-The Alphabet Song

The Nugget-BaaBaa Black Sheep

The Nugget-Itsy Bitsy Spider

The Nugget-Mary Had a Little Lamb

The Nugget-Twinkle Twinkle

If you'd like to save them, just right click on the link and save...

For my musician friends...

2008-08-14T22:48:00.001-07:00

found out an old music friend that i used to work with through artistlaunch created their own musician's site and have national radio play...join up and tell Silverfox I sent ya...

http://top40charts.ning.com

"new" songs

2008-08-13T15:36:00.001-07:00

"new" songs posted under the music player.. http://xewmusic.blogspot.com/2008/05/music-player.html

these were made quite awhile ago but i cant post them in the music player...will post if i add more...

-p

song writing...

2008-08-13T10:48:00.001-07:00

interesting article on song writing..

http://measureformeasure.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/08/12/demo-shakedown/

i thought i had already...

2008-08-08T21:29:00.001-07:00

i thought i had already...
i thought i had already...
taken the time to learn about myself when i was younger...to understand who i am, where i am going, and other things in life....and for the most part i did, but i thought i had figured it all out....man was i wrong...it was only the beginning...

as my Nugget grows and learns, so do i...she is the next level of me...she makes me think about things i didnt think were a big deal to worry about...i have to stop and question myself before i answer...and most of the time its about the lessons in life i need her to know rather than the academic stuff i might usually focus on...its just amazing to be a part of and see progress...

the past week or 2 Nugget has been going through another learning explosion...she had one when she was about 18 months, another sometime when she was 2...this time she went from counting to about 14 to counting to 100+ in a couple of days, then took her phonics to another level and is sounding out words, understanding how they are spelled, and reading a handful of words...her geography is soaring, the questions she comes up with about places and people are amazing...and the past couple of days she started showing she understands addition....eeek! so far we are handling it ok except when she bombards me with questions outside of what she needs to understand right now or if i just dont have the answers..i think on this go round its not just me working with her...the grands and john have taken on a big part and boy does it help! i think id be pulling my hair out if i had to handle all of her questions alone....

health update: not much to report...no word from new doc on getting started on the next round of treatment...ive been continuing PT but not being able to do a whole lot due to the muscles not letting up...doc says it keeps knoting up...and working it out freaking hurts...first he has to dig around to find the trigger point, then when he finds it he digs harder till it catches the nerve that shoots down my leg....omg...um ya do yourself a favor and dont ever mess up your discs....doc also put me on valarian root to try to put my sleep back in order...it has a similar affect like tramadol but a bit less and i can wake up easier it seems...but im waking up earlier even though im still up kinda late...ah well, guess it will take some time to go back to normal...

music update: not much just yet...still working on new songs...mostly re-writes trying to get these songs just right....not much recording cause ive had a soar throat on and off most of the week :( not sure whats up with that...

i have been thinking alot about my next directions...first i hope to knock these songs out and then jump onto my own stuff..i have a couple of songs i really really want to finish up as they have a special job to do....i wanna continue my music studies and hopefully catch up enough to go back into degree studies...most likely online...ive been having alot of momentum and drive in this area and i hope it stays...lots to look forward to...

today i spent some time pulling in some old/new music from some cds...good stuff that gives me some inspiration...not getting out much tends to make me feel stagnating...speaking of...nugget and i got outside for a few today...doc said i needed to go outside and put my feet on the ground...studies have found that having a physical connection to the earth has its place in healing...of course i know this but ive gotten used to being inside so much cause i couldnt get out if i wanted to that i lost touch with that...perfect timing though since the weather cooled off a few degrees and it feels awesome...hopefully we can do more of that this weekend if my body will hold up long enough...

-p

freaking out at 3am...aug 1

2008-08-08T21:28:00.001-07:00

freaking out at 3am...
i wasnt intending on blogging tonight...but after a bit of excitement i thought i post a quick note...

it seems that 3am is becoming a time to freak out...a couple of weeks ago we had a freakout (or at least i did) around 3am when i heard something weird out side that sounded like several people close to the house and then a bright light and a huge crash like someone trying to get in the house...talk about freaked out...woke up john and since out electric was out (i was thinking someone was cutting our line!) he didnt see anything....got the flashlights out, etc...nothing...we lay back down and then i see a car outside pull into our driveway and stop for a bit...really weird...kept listening but nothing more...got up in the morning and apparently a huge tree from across the street broke and fell across the road taking out the electric...wouldnt have expected that since there wasnt a storm going on at the time...it was the day before..but i guess it loosened it up....

so tonight its 3am again and i start hearing something like a rubber garbage can being drug up the driveway...and then i start hearing someone walking up the front steps...eeek! so im hollering for john and it is someone we dont know looking for their dog...or so they said...kinda weird that john didnt know them as he knows most of the neighbors except 1 or 2...and their arent many cause its a small area surrounded with park woods and wooded land....

other 3am freakouts are usually from nugget waking and needing something like potty, water, cover me!, etc....

ah well....

another calm before the storm...july 31

2008-08-08T21:27:00.001-07:00

another calm before the storm...
today and yesterday my body has been semi-calm compared to most days...it still goes back and forth and is doing different things for the moment...like numbing in the lower leg and bottom of foot rather than constant pain...but then will bounce back to thigh and hip....during the calm times im trying to get a few simple things done like cleaning up the kitchen a bit, picking up toys, etc...i also got out today and did 2 small errands with a little unexpected walking but it was a rare time that it didnt set off my leg...
but im not rejoicing just yet...its part of a roller coaster pattern that happens..i do get a few calm times but then things go downhill again within a few days...
had a talk with my reg doc on my case on tues..i was really worked up about what the new doc had in store for me...but i think im a bit more comfortable with things since we are on the bottom of the list on trying to figure out whats going on with me...tomorrow im going to try to drop off a digi set of xrays to the new doc and after that it looks like im going for a facet never block to one of my joints...and possibly a trigger injection for my leg if it kicks back in again...apparently the muscles in the leg keep knoting up...
nugget news...she is now counting past 100! and i think she mastered it in about 2 weeks...yay! shes become obsessed with counting everyday...she will holler fo rme to help her with potty time and she will start counting after she calls me until she gets to 100..and now shes trying to go past and has almost gotten to 120...shes still having trouble remembering 40 and 50 but today she did better with them and with the other "tens" numbers...shes also taking the lead in looking at words and spelling what she sees or trying to sound them out...she will do each of the letters then ask me to help her sound them out all together...i was thinking she would be reading sentences by the end of her K4 year but she may do it before the end of the first semester...eek! well i guess it makes my job teaching her easier but then that will bring on a ton more questions when she wants to know what words mean...shes already doing that when she hears them...today she was asking me what consentrate meant cause i told her i couldnt do something while driving cause i was trying to consentrate on where we were headed...we also have to be very careful of what we say, others say, and what is said on tv...i had the news on and she was busy with something but she picked up on what was said and was having a fit cause she heard that someone was hurt and something about a tornado, etc....she got so sensitive about it...same with tv...i like to watch grey's anatomy but there was an episode where a lady spit up blood and she had a fit and cried for a time over it...um ya...no more of that with her in the room...
shes also been very loving lately...lots of mommy i love you and she wants 10 hugs and kisses before bed...and i get lots of hugs during the day, especially if she thinks she did something wrong...hehe...all good but the extra clingy-ness and being upset if i have to leave the room is a bit much...not sure whats up with that..she was fine till the other day...she normally is fine with her grands but got upset when i was there to pick her up and shes been attached since then...new phase i suppose...

music wise im just working on a set of songs, re-writing, adjusting, recording the demos, etc...just trying to get at least one done in the next week or so...i think a new song called "missing home" is coming along pretty fast...i ran the first demo vox but after setting it all up i decided to dump some of what i did cause it just wasnt working like i thought it would...thus the re-write...some parts turned out quite nice though...i cant wait to get it done and also move on to the other new ones...in some ways they have been pretty easy to get going but harder to finish up...most of them were written with a deeper voice in mind so im working around that....nice challenge though cause i do get to touch on the deeper vox ive been wanting to do more of....yay!
alight..gotta try to get some sleep cause ive got a few errands to attempt to do tomorrow...fun fun...

my many emotional struggles..

2008-07-24T23:57:00.001-07:00

tonight i need to blog about all the crap going on in my head right now...maybe it will help me clear it out so i can keep going without loosing my mind...

so things lately are emotionally up and down...i have this good stuff thats happened musically and then theres all the stuff going on physically/personally thats dragging me down...for the most part the music has been what is keeping me afloat...but this past week has been more than even that can help...usually what happens is ill try to do something simple around the house like i tried to put things into the dishwasher one time or ill try to get out of the house and do something that doesnt involve walking, etc....and then by the end of the day my condition spirals downward and i have to get comfy in the recliner and drug up...this goes on for a couple of days then it breaks and i can at least walk around the first level of the house without it setting off...but this week im back to it being constant and not breaking...i couldnt do the PT exercises at either appt this week...and then doc decided to dig deep on the hip muscles to activate them cause they were stiffening up...

so anyway this means ill be sitting in my chair for at least a couple more days, prob through the weekend while hubby and nugget head out to do some fun stuff...im really starting to go nuts watching the year go by and all the activities im missing out on...especially if they are for nugget...im starting to notice when i mention we arent going out or to a doc appt shes not too thrilled...but mention going to the grands and shes so excited....cause mommy is boring and cant do much with her :( uuugggg that really sucks...all of this, plus the fact its been going on so long, the neurosurgeon appt that was disappointing, dragging of this new process, having a stressed hubby cause hes exhausted and wants normalcy back also....its just all adding up and taking a big toll on me...now when hubby asks me how im doing each day i want to scream cause i just dont want to talk about it anymore...its the same thing everyday...and if im having a semi-decent day i just want to enjoy the calm before the storm hits again...but i usually cant do that...

i did get some info on what the new docs game plan is..or at least a part of it...weve got to get these particular x-rays taken by the orthopedist and bring them to him...unless there is something that sticks out...the next step is a nerve block to a particular joint to see if that is the trigger point...if it calms it, we know its that one...if not then we move on to the next area that could be the trigger...oh joy more needles into my back! xanax here i come! (had to take xanax for the epi shots cause the first try i almost passed out)...so we will see...but prob wont know anything till this next week at the earliest...

ok so now how about some good stuff...i had to put the music aside this week cause id just felt so funky since sunday but yesterday i got back to work on some new stuff...im hoping to get a demo done in the next couple of days to send to the producer im working with...then id like to take a bit of time to work on at least one of my own songs....im itching to see how my new knowledge and the span of time thats past will play out with some of them...*is excited* the only thing thats kept me from continuing is that my throat has been sore for the past couple of days...seems my allergies are kicking right now...im hoping that with the extra rain and temps cooling down a hair that it will calm things down...i also found some decent tasting "singer's tea" to help out...

in other music news ive been revisiting my music theory and hope to pick back up on piano soon...the last time i was studying the 2 i was not in the right frame of mind...now is so different...so im crossing my fingers i will keep going and finish up...id also been considering doing online courses to finish up my music media degree but i think ill try to continue self teaching until i get to a point where i cant do it myself anymore and need the instruction to get there...

alright enough for tonight...

-p

it never ceases to amaze me...

2008-07-23T00:05:00.003-07:00

it never ceases to amaze me...
it never ceases to amaze me...
that there is always something new to learn about the self...

so ive spent a bit of time since the weekend going over in my head the whole show and the many feelings and things ive figured out from it...

feelings...well, ive been dealing with stage fright since forever and its kept me from doing any stage work for the longest time...but it has always been magnified by those i cared about but insisted on using my fear to take stabs at me...or they were just being stupid and just didnt get what they were doing to me...after i did the song i had all those emotions start to come to the surface and at one point i felt the tears welling up and i had to take a deep breath...i know all sappy but it was such a big step for myself in so many ways...i defeated all the negativity that had been put on me for so long...i proved for myself that i can do it and i want to do more at some point (i wondered before whether i would feel i didnt really like it)...i took a huge step for my daughter because i dont want her spending a large part of her life being afraid of doing something she really wants to do, i want my confidence to reflect to her...

on the things figured out side...a big one is realizing my learning style and using it to my advantage...ive always known i am a visual person and have always learned things by remembering or mentally photographing what im looking at...for example when i would have to take a test i would just remember what my notes looked like not long before the test and i was usually ok...unfortunately this didnt help in retaining information for long term...well at least in things that i didnt have a strong interest in...so how does this translate over to performing? well when i was trying to burn the lyrics into my head, i was using a printed copy of the lyrics to study from with notes and such...i would go through the song without it until i was unsure then id look at it and keep going...it gave me a false sense of having it down in full...doh! but i didnt realize this until the nite before when i took it away completely to see how i was doing and i was still not getting it all right and then began the freakout....so for next time im going to try to avoid using a print copy at all and just use my ears as much as possible...maybe even using a blindfold to cut out the visual distraction...i think this whole thing was a big reason why i blanked on a line....i was so nervous that my brain couldnt remember what the paper looked like...doh!

i also noticed that i wasnt as nervous as i thought i would be just standing in front of a crowd...im sure that not having everyones attention specifically on me helped cause i looked out when i stood up and most kind of saw us as a dj group and didnt realize that live singers were moving things along...they paid more attention towards the end and lady maroo was up..but that was good cause she did some of her best songs then..

ive also got to get a setup here at home to better mimick the loudness of the monitors...i used a small amp and vocal mic here while practicing but you can only get it so loud...but thats something we will have to conquer when we get the studio room in order...

well more thoughts on this later...as always im typing up a blog right before im gonna pass out...i didnt sleep at all last nite and got bits and pieces of rest during the day but i need to get a good stretch so i can get back on track in some kind of way...so over and out till the next blog...

-p

what happened to the day when...

2008-07-23T00:05:00.001-07:00

what happened to the day when...
doctors actually looked at you when you went in for something? i swear every time i go to a reg medical doc they just ask u whats up...takes your word for it and dishes out some drugs, or talks for a few minutes and sends you on your way to the front desk to dish out the co-pay...ridiculus...
so my "big" appt with a neurosurgeon was today...and as you can already tell..im not real happy...first, i got no sleep last nite because the past couple of days sleep was off again due to the muscles being set off this weekend...then we had to be up around 6am to get ready and head out for a 7.30am appt...get there and the building is locked...someone happen to come along and let us in...then the few there seemed clueless and we had to sit around till someone brought us upstairs cause the elevators are locked....then we wait some more and finally see the doc...he talks and talks about stuff i already know and the end result is hes gonna write up a report that he will have to all the docs and lawyers in 2 weeks outlining his thoughts....uuuhhhhh...i knew i wasnt going to have instant answers but i at least expected to get the ball rolling and have a new mri done or whatever tests go along with this that he was talking about...so wtf???
the only new thing that he pointed out from my old mri was that there are some white spots near my messed up disks that are usually written off by most docs and a part of the tearing but is actually something that happens with certain people...some of the disk fluid i think it is comes out and turns into a chemical that acts like acid to a nerve...so looking at the mri youd think all is fine and no prob but this chemical could be whats setting everything off...very interesting...and of course ive got those spots on my mri...if that is what it turns out to be then it sounds like the treatment may involve injections and thats it...that would be nice...and id get another dose of the wonderful xanax!
if that isnt it then there is still the possiblity they cant do any kind of surgery and i just have to live with it till it goes away, if it does....fun fun...

ok enough of that...i need to get some rest before my nugget is brought home to me by the grands...nitey..
-p

X in DC July 19th at Be Bar pics

2008-07-20T14:36:00.001-07:00

All About the Show

2008-07-20T13:00:00.001-07:00

so...last nite I sang at my first gig in years...I was with The Bedroom Rockers and did a new song weve been working on "Stereotypical"...i hope to soon post the song when it is complete..we are still ironing out some details for the final cut...
so how did it go you ask? well not as bad as i thought it would be! ha! i started at the right time so i crossed that hurdle..but then my nerves got a bit to me and i missed a spot where i thought there was a vocal already there...i think my brain was just used to the practice track i had been using...then my head went blank on the 3rd section and i missed a line but picked back up quickly and finihsed the song with no probs...eeek!!
i will forever beat myself up for what i didnt get right but considering was just got the working version in the past week or so plus not being familar with the setup/sound, nerves a mess and i woke up with a sore throat...it wasnt that bad..hehe..
but even with the mistakes i dont think id change anything...if it had gone perfect it would have given me a false sense and i would make a worse mistake later in a larger venue...so its all good...
everything was pretty laid back...even in the club so its not like the entire place had their full attention on me which helped calm my nerves a bit...
the other singer, lady maroo is very good and such awesome songs...and talking with her and Joey (dj/producer) even she has bad stage fright although you wouldnt have guessed...they were both really supportive and i thank them so much for that...no matter where the winds take us on future projects (or not) i will always appreciate everything...my confidence is much better (but of course still have some to work on!)
it was also nice to have the hubby involved in everything, from helping me while i was writing and recording, to being with me at the gig and even helping out the sound guys that were having a few probs...doh! one of the main cords kept getting pulled and cut the entire sound...whoops! at least i wasnt the only one making boo-boos!

all in all it was good and im glad this was how and where my first performace was...wouldnt change it at all :)

today i am recovering..apparently even though i didnt do much walking nor standing, my leg set off last nite and wouldnt let me sleep and today my lower back is a mess...ill post some pics soon, but for now my meds have kicked in so its nite-nite time for XEW...

-p

thoughts before the show...

2008-07-20T12:19:00.001-07:00

so tomorrow eve is my first stage show in years...i never thought id be at this point at this moment...you always think about when you will do something you really want to do but never think it will really happen...and then its in front of you before you know what hit you...
ive been working most of the week trying to burn the lyrics into my head so they just come naturally and i can concentrate on other things...but its been going back and forth all day...sometimes its timing...other times im mixing up the sections...then if ive got it all down i sound kind of bland cause im fighting so hard to keep it all going together the right way...aaahh!
my last 2 practice takes seem to be feeling a bit better but have a bit of blandness to them...but my voice is a bit wonky now cause ive also got some sinus stuff going on...figures..hopefully the extra c and a cough drop will get me through it tomorrow eve....
tomorrow i hope to do a "private showing" to hubby and the Nugget here at home to get the ball rolling being in front of a crowd...i was gonna do it tonight but i was still sorting things out and now theyve sacked out...
ah well...another post will come maybe on sunday with the verdict on how it went...goodness help me!

update continued..

2008-07-20T12:18:00.001-07:00

so i forgot a few things last nite in my post so im gonna play a little catch up first...
yesterday i decided to finally do some hair cutting...nope length is still there...id been wanting to taper the front for a while but kept putting it off...so i just did it on a whim so i wouldnt back out again...it was weird seeing my hair on the floor...ive been so paranoid of cutting it knowing that once its done thats it...ive been letting it grow for so long i just dont remember much else...and i dont think i look good in short hair...anyway...so far im ok with it...it gives a little character to it that ive been needing...ive also been considering coloring it again but i think im gonna get used to this first...
in other news im preparing for saturdays show...oh ya i mentioned that already...its making me a little nutty at the moment...im so worried that im not going to have the words memorized and ill screw it up..uuggg! i started practice on a live mic and amp..some parts were ok but some sucked...and im still freaking and forgetting which section comes next...duh..i wrote the song so why cant i get it in order!!!!! thats what i get for trying to make sure everything gets done perfect...ive been trying to dispell that in my head..ive spent time listening to live performances and hearing the not so perfection in it...so amazing...but i guess thats a big difference from totally screwing up...haha...oh well....2.5 days left to get it straight in my head...

lets see...whats new with the Nugget...well i was just telling the moms in her tot group what she was doing and what we still needed to work on...i couldnt get her to count to 20 even though i knew she kinda knew her numbers...well apparently john must of heard cause he started working with her and i didnt know it and the past week she has been counting all the way to 40! little turkey...her grands have been working on word recognition so shes reading at least 20ish words now and maybe a bit more...shes been so much more independant lately, even learning on her own...shes figured out a ton of kid puter games on her puter without much help, same with a few games on a DS...
*sigh*..alright time to pass out...i seem to have developed a headache..yuck...

update july 16th

2008-07-15T21:34:00.001-07:00

sorry im not feeling so creative title wise...date will have to do...

i hoped to have more of an update last week but i was a bit miffed with a couple of things...
1st i was supposed to have a neurosurgen appt on the 8th but that fell through cause the doc cancelled it due to laryngitis...fun fun...then tried to reschedule and they said nothing till aug 21! another month and a half later!!! so lawyers got involved and got one for the 22nd...unfortunately it is at 7.30am...uuuggg!! most of the time i cant even fall asleep till 3 or 4 am and then have to get up and be in bethesda for that early...eeewww!!!
and so i wait...in some ways a few small things seem to be getting better slowly...im not too bad as long as i dont do anything and just sit in the lazy boy all day...when i try to get out and walk it makes my leg go nuts...either extreme aching, getting weak and cant hold myself up..etc etc...
so im waiting and getting out here and there...i tried to do a little bit of grocery shopping in a local organic store and stupid me dropped a full plastic juice bottle on my right foot toe...ow! hurts but ya get over it, right? ha! only if you arent me...so i started developing new issues with my ankle, toes, then by end of this weekend i cant walk cause any pressure on my leg stings...*sigh*
well today doc went through all the motions and it seems that me walking just a tad bit off due to a sore toe through EVERYTHING in my leg off...any slight change in how i use the muscles in my leg causes a big change and of course, PAIN...
i am now a few steps away from being a full on mummy...my knee gets taped to hold a particular muscle thats dropped, in place...and now my foot is taped to hold the muscles back in place till everything settles down...hopefully...

ok enough of that...i prob wont have any more updates till next week after the big doc appt...

so if you havent already figured it out or so the gig on my XEW page, im doing my first show with the bedroom rockers and lady maroo this weekend in DC...yay! im not doing much...just one song and any backing that might come up...most of the hour set will be lady maroo doing some awesome music...if you are local and check out the show, dont tell me you are there till after i do my song so i dont freak out...i kinda didnt say too much about it till now cause i was freaking out about it...so i thought if i didnt make big over it for myself it would keep me calm...i know im a dork but its been so long since ive been on a stage...but the crew, joey and lady maroo have been pretty laid back about it, the venue is small, the show is short, etc so i thought it was the perfect time to go ahead and give it a shot...my fear is that i will forget the words to my own song, and then not be able to even recover from screwing it up..eek! so for the next days till sat ill be working on buring them into my brain and using a mini live setup to practice...my poor Nugget is going to have to listen to me sing all day long...i can hear it now.."mommy, can you turn your voice down please? youre making too much noise..."..haha

ok enough for tonight..gotta save a few things to talk about for another nite...that and my meds just kicked in...time to enjoy the buzz by making something creative...

-p

Web site back up!

2008-06-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

yay! made a quicky site to just get something up there till i work on what i really want...it is working out better than the former and doesnt look like the temp 80s Atari page i put up ealier...oy!
and apparently the RSS feed is now working since i switched the blog over to blogger hosting...whoohoo! gotta love when things actually work!

-p

Site Update

2008-06-29T00:42:00.001-07:00

hiya,
if you are one of the 2 people actually checking this thing then you
might of realized the site is down...some big blow out in texas messed
up a ton of servers and guess whos site was on one of em? yep that
would be me...well the site came back up but we are in the middle of a
server switch and are dealing with all of that...in the mean time we
may have to just completely re-do the site cause some things are just
toast...ouch! so hang in there, hopefully it will be back up soon...
most of the links are also toast for the moment so check out the music
through the player a few posts below...you can also catch us on
www.myspace.com/xewmusic

-p

mary had a little lamb...

2008-06-22T22:51:00.001-07:00

Nugget has been singing that song alot lately...along with baa baa
black sheep, twinkle twinkle and ABC song....its amazing to see how
she goes about singing...she expects it to be perfect...if she messes
up she gets upset and growls and starts over and does it till she gets
it right...i think she has been watching me record takes a little too
much..haha
so ive been working on 3 new songs with a new collaborator...i may
have already talked a bit (on the personal site) about this but its
been going pretty well...the process has been very theraputic as im
dealing with all the health stuff...i cant figure it out but
everything has been going in such a different direction..i remember
the last time i was recording i was a mess and i hated trying to
record things...it used to come so easy and then it just went down
hill...i guess it was just the things going on at the time...
ive also learned some new techniques..using new software, etc...im so
glad to have it all cause if i didnt id be going nuts sitting around
everyday not being able to do much...yuck!
and since my posts wouldnt be the same without a ton of whining..here we go!

since im adapting this from the personal blog ill have to give some
background on my condition...i was in a car accident over a year
ago...thought it was just simple whip lash...things wouldnt get better
and kept getting worse...several months later things got so bad that i
could barely walk much less get out of bed...even with a pain killer
and muscle relaxer i was a mess...turns out i had 2 torn discs in my
lower back...pinched nerve causing sciatica in my right leg and torn
ligaments (just finding out the last part cause they thought it was
minor)..so i find all this out in dec (accident was in may!)...go
through the reg medical stuff, meds, epidurals, etc...nothing was
working and it was getting worse...so hubby took me down south to a
chiro i used many years ago...within first week i was doing so much
better...after 3 months i was doing way better but still had alot to
go but i needed to get back before we all went nuts...came back home
and started physical therapy with chiro here in home area and thats
where we are today...the leg spasms i will talk about next was a bit
of a set back i had last week...for no reason the started during PT
then stopped for no reason 4 days later...go figure...

i think i left off at leg spasms...well the spasms finally stopped
when i got up monday morning...thank goodness cause i was about to
loose it...it went from spasms and barely being able to walk to being
almost normal...i could get around walking ok unless im standing for a
bit too long (like 15-30min) and then my leg just goes weak and stays
that way till its rested....so far thats been the most
difficult...there are some stings/cramps and aches but its been
tolerable...doc has taken the PT down a notch hoping not to start
another episode...
we talked with both chiros and lawyers and all seem to think there may
be another issue..docs say i may have a torn ligament that isnt
healing and may need to be reattached surgically...oh joy! so ive been
referred to a nerosurgeon to figure out whats up..*sigh* more doc
appts...fun fun...im so sick of dealing with medical stuff...ive been
doing this for over a year now...
anyway...i guess as long as i have music to work on and keep me sane
ill be good...im hoping my new found enthusiasm will help get my XEW
exclusive songs done finally! imagine that..another XEW cd! ha!
-p

Music Player

2008-05-16T18:28:00.001-07:00

Main Player:

Adding Backing Vox:

Sleep Alone (Disenchanted Mix)- Moby (with added XEW vox)

Until It Sleeps- Moby (with added XEW vox)

The Boat Ashore-Michael Roe live (with added XEW vox)

Trust - Audiodef feat. XEW

Inspired - G-Slade feat. XEW (coming soon)

Demo Songs:

Other Podcasts, shows, etc...

ArtistLaunch Radio show- feat. XEW-Just Like the Others

Podcast "Around Midnight" feat. XEW- Deep Sleep

FAWMcast Feb 21st feat. G-Slade & XEW-Inspired

Interview with Echo Hall Studios Feb 2010

Anime Video feat. Amazing Grace

To Waterloo in a Boat by The Vinyl Files feat "Rest" sample

SXSW Presentation by Dr. Burr Settles feat. XEW quotes

10 Tips For Songwriters by Tom Slatters feat. XEW contribution

long overdue update

2008-02-02T21:46:00.001-08:00

heya,

sorry for the overdue update. ive been very much out of it the past
couple of weeks. but it was a good thing. so as of now im still
dealing with some issues from the herniated discs, still having the
leg issues from sciatica...but things seem to be toned down a hair
after having the first round of epi's...yay! but its definately not
over and i have a ways to go..it looks like ill at least do one more
epi on the 11th and then we will decide when to head down south to my
dr down there...its all kind of up in the air still since i may be
able to begin some treatment here with my maryland chiro dr....
oy! so much medical crap...i know way more than i ever wanted to
know...but at least i got some good drugs! haha...they are quite
strong...ive had to cut them in half so im not a groggy mess
everyday...ive definately got a tad bit more energy too so thats
nice...i havent felt semi-normal in quite a while...

its almost voting time! at least here in maryland...so who ya voting for??

music news: actually there is a handful of news even though ive been
such a mess...i FINALLY invested in a midi controller and a decent
studio mic...and ive been having a blast with them...i had the mic for
a couple of days but couldnt use it till we snagged up a phantom power
box...so we got a box and get it home and realize theres no
adapter..uugg! so we got that solved today and ive been running
scratch pad vox tonight....man what a difference! it isnt a high end
one but its a huge difference from the reg vox mic id been
using...very crisp sound and picks up very well...yay!
so i have been doing alot of writing since im stuck resting all day,
along with vox and working on a few new pieces...and hope to start a
new project with a former collaborator soon to break the monatany [sp]
of hearing my own stuff all the time...
it was also nice shopping with the hubby for new music stuff...but man
ive got to watch him...i think hes more excited about it all than me!
ha...he was ready to buy us a large 16 track recording/mixing
board...i really dont think i need that much just yet...my little 8
track Boss has been plenty for now...and i still need to learn my new
goodies :) :)
hopfully when im better we can get back into the magic studio and get
it set up better...im aiming to get that done when i get back from
down south....

so ya ill be heading down south soon to visit my fam, see a dr and
walk in a wedding in april...and i might even be down there for
easter..whoohoo! baby girl will LOVE getting dressed up and hunting
for eggs with her cousins...they are always so freaking cute
together...

music of the moment: nusa, capercaille, lamb-stronger, sia-i go to
sleep and little black sandals, kate bush-leave it open, and a handful
of modern India music

and now my drugs have kicked in so im going to go enjoy the floaty feeling...

-p

hanging in there...

2008-01-01T22:16:00.001-08:00

quick update...started a med therapy...unfortunately the meds dont
seem to have taken care of the job...not sure if dr will run me
through another dose or move to the next step (epideral)...ill know at
the next appt...in the meantime ill just be dragging my leg along with
me and hoping a bout of muscle spazzing doesnt start again..fun fun!
but i guess things have been up and down lately...got to the bottom of
my prob, but meds havent worked, had a good holiday on this end,
grandmother passed away back home....etc etc...

anyway..its a new year...and i began it by working on some music after
midnight..whoohoo! im kinda stuck sitting around till im fixed and i
got my laptop back so hopefully i can stay in business this time...
of course im slow on the draw...myspace allows for more songs to be
posted now...so im adding a few more recent things from the archive
that may not be posted here in the music section yet...just mixing it
up a bit...
Just Like the Others should be posted there as soon as it approves!
the song was a collaboration between XEW, Lounge Lovers and DJ Tweeek
enjoy!

current listening: new music that im working on again...whoohooo!

and now i know...

2007-12-19T10:46:00.001-08:00

2 herniated (sp?) disks in my lower back...both with tears...along
with a coccyx that is off to one side...amongst other minor things...

oh joy...

meds, shots and therapy here i come! (shoot me now please...)

unfortunately this has put most music stuff on hold cause im not doing
well with sitting up for very long....but continuing to write as
always...*sigh* always something!!

music of the moment: fauxliage-without you, 1 giant leap-the way you
dream, and some various mazzy star and cocteau twins...

-p

music update

2007-12-04T16:03:00.001-08:00

updated the music section with 6 "new" songs...most of these are from
way back when and may have only been seen on the private asylum
sites...
as i mentioned before...im trying to get a good set up online from way
back when to now but it takes a while to go through all the demos,
takes, etc...
if any of the links are wonky lemme know...
I hope to have a brand new song up soon...im trying to get over yet
another sinus infection...fun fun...

so ive added:
my secret life: from back in the PA days
Alive but alone: one of the demos and a chilling mix
Too close to me: sparse on vox...for chilling out
Forever: another sparse on vox but nice
Humanism: one of the demos...this was one of the first ever XEW
songs...and is still a fav :)

me news: still dealing with back issues...im now in a back brace and
things seemed to be getting better but then went downhill again...i have a feeling ill be sent to a specialist this
week...bah!
other than that its been quiet cause i havent been doing much...not
that i really wanna be out in the cold weather! speaking of i think
its gonna snow tomorrow...noooooooooo!

music of the moment: songs from Tori Amos' A Piano collection and
Radiohead Disc 2 of In Rainbows...Up on the ladder is awesome ;)

mmmm food...

2007-11-05T16:08:00.001-08:00

yes another lengthy space in between posts...alot going on around
here..dealing with a new set of health issues that came up...preparing
for my nugget's bday party, etc
so the health stuff was going sort of ok for a while and then for no
reason took a bad turn...the the car accident stuff is supposedly
about finished...but then the sinus stuff came back and new issues
with my tailbone, and some new back issues...fun fun...
so dr again said it was my diet even though id removed everything he
said and hadnt changed anything...so he says to take more stuff out
(rice, potatoes, starches)...basically leaving me with non-starch
veggies...and telling me to eat meat even though we told him from the
beginning that we were vegetarians....
so this left me extremly stressed out...i was already a mess just
dealing with the original stuff....
the last visit this past week did it for me...still telling me i can
only eat veggies, not giving me resources to pursue to help the
situation...then he fusses at me for my daughter eating
fruit...WTF?!?! ya that did it for me...
so we will see a new dr this week to recheck everything...make sure
all car accident stuff was done properly...and then look at a new
approach for the new issues...
i well gave in and this weekend i ate...AND IT WAS SO GOOD!!!! i hadnt
had pizza nor a sandwich in like 5 or 6 months....just having real
bread was amazing...
so i guess ill be putting back on a few pounds..not that i mind cause
the minimized diet left me under weight...

ok enough of that...no music news to report for now...ya ya i
know...not much i can do about it until i get things sorted
out...*sigh* oh wait i did have a conversation with a local musician
and at some point we may work on a project together...yay!

music of the moment: sorting through old mp3 files...listening to a
set of Bally Sagoo songs...

OMG this is hillarious

2007-10-22T18:33:00.001-07:00

thanks bird..

NSFW nor kids!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_8yPap-k_s

testing

2007-10-11T15:05:00.001-07:00

to see if the feed picks up on a new post...please excuse...

Back to the Beginning

2007-09-19T10:56:00.001-07:00

Lately there have been a ton of changes surrounding me. Diet (ya i
know youre sick of

hearing about it), schedules, life in general. And also the way i
think about my music.

For each ive had to go back to the beginning, the basics of healthy
eating, managing

ourselves daily, and why i am involved in music in the first place.
On the thought of music, i found myself this past year or 2 straying
away from my natural

flow and focusing on making things "successful". And slowly but
surely i was becoming

frustrated, and hating everything about my music and the process of
creating it. I began

pushing it away as much as possible. It was like anything else that i
loved and turned

into a job, i didnt want to do it anymore. I was even ready to sell
off anything i had

in an attempt to destroy it for myself.
But after some time away from it, i decided to rethink things for a
bit before jumping

(and hubby fussing at me for thinking about doing that).
I had to step back and think about why i was a musician in the first
place. I had to

remember why i spent many a nite without much sleep working on
projects to share. It was

never about becoming commercially successful. You can check out any
entertainment news

site and see what being commerically successful will get you. Very
messy lives. No thank

you.
Music is for me what a novel might be to someone else. It is my place
to escape reality

for a bit and enjoy a bit of fiction. I can create a story with sound
and vox. Which is

why alot of my stuff isnt like regular songs. They morph several times
and sometimes have

moments without traditional music as the background (such as Innocense
Lost and the

upcoming "The Screaming Room").
I spent alot of time resorting all of my digital music files and
listening to many, many

songs. Remembering all of the thoughts that went along with them was
surreal at times. I

cant believe i forgot about so many. But i guess that happens when
you end up with a

backlog of at least 100 or so songs...ack!
Tori Amos has an interesting way of describing her song writing and
the process. She has

many songs that she writes, some of which she loves dearly. But
sometimes they only go so

far and they arent completed. She says those girls arent ready to be
born yet. I love

that. Goodness knows ive got tons of unborn girls baking in the oven!
HA! But after going

through many things i realized i have alot that are ready to be "born"
and some that have

already and i just didnt realize it.
Have i lost you yet? sure i have, i always do...so what i did is go
back to the basics,

realize why i fight so hard to create what i do. its not about fame,
fortune and all that

crap. i changed my direction and got back on track and things started
to flow again, and

man does it feel good. I think once i am finished with the current cd
and the "In the

Nude" project, i want to go back to my musical roots and work on a
modern jazz (ala

Pleasure Me), folk, bluesy project. There's even a song of my
great-grandfathers id love

to do..of course ill have to translate it first!
Ive also stopped worrying so much about whether or not my songs are
flawless. So many

people have become wrapped up in making it their songs sound so
perfect that somewhere in

there they just becoming robotic. I like lots of music with flaws. Im
a huge fan of live

music, which of course cant be done over and over again till its
perfect. It is what it

is. So for now im going with my imperfections of production.

music: sia-"sunday", anything new im working on...

and the list goes on...

2007-09-01T10:55:00.001-07:00

im a bit behind in blogging...last week was a doozy health
wise...first i messed myself up lifting The Nugget, and then an added
bonus of stomach issues and headaches every freaking day...i figured
maybe it all went together so i waited it out...
hubby had a hunch he was having another food reaction but wasnt sure
so we decided to test a few new things....and sure enough...there it
was...another food allergen...CORN...oh joy...
apparently after having to find alternatives for the other allergens,
we substiuted items that used corn, corn flour, etc...and it made for
a really bad reaction....*sigh*

so now im up to:
wheat/gluten
dairy
soy
sugar
corn (with the exception of masa flour thats been lime water treated)
all oils cept olive oil unless it has been cooked already (such as on chips)
ANYTHING processed

the reaction finally seems to be settling down...so far no nasty
headache today and my stomach is finally settling....but on the
downside now EVERYTHING has to be prepared from scratch...no more
restraunts, no more quick foods you buy at the store...nuttin! i want
to scream...everytime i think i get settled we find another allergen
and ive got to clear out the cabinets and return food...not to mention
the time we must now spend making food....

im trying my best to accept that this is the way things are...but it
continues to be like a bomb hitting me emotionally...life has changed
permanately...

in music news: working towards finishing up songs...slow progress but
still some..yay!

listening to: Fug

the little details we miss...

2007-08-24T11:02:00.001-07:00

there are people who just happen to notice little details in others
lives that most people dont ever notice....not always by choice...its
just the way they are...and these things stick with them and when they
have the opportunity to use that info to help someone, they do....
its not about doing things for brownie points...its just the way
things work for them...
then one day you hear a story about them...its like all of a sudden
for no reason their life just takes a nose dive or something goes
wrong for them and they cant handle it...and of course everyone will
ask, what happened? they were always so on top of things, it doesnt
make sense...
but it makes plenty sense...from the outside it looks like they are
just fine, that they are always the strong one...the ones that help
everyone else and dont need help...but they do....probably more than
anyone else....we forget that even the strongest person sometimes
needs someone to be there for them too....we take it for granted that
if they can put so much effort into others then surely they can just
take care of themselves...

even the strongest people arent invinsible...they are human...

-p

various items of non-interest...

2007-08-23T19:51:00.001-07:00

this past week has been a doozy...i wasnt feeling well at the end of
last week and it just got worse and worse...i had to miss a baby
shower i had been looking forward to, only to find out i threw my
whole body out of wack lifting my daughter...fun fun...
its taken most of the week and several dr appts to get back to
semi-normal...and some adjusting so i dont have to lift her unless i
need to...
then my poor sitter's little one gets pink eye and a virus...so
technically that put me on vacation..haha

but on the other side, since i couldnt do anything but sit or lay
down...i spent some time trying to finish organizing my digital
files...wow do i have alot of crap...but i think ive got the music
stuff just about finished...what a difference that makes...

so for the new cd im up to 5 finished/almost finished songs...yee
freaking ha...3 are complete, one is off to a producer team and the
last will head that way as soon as i finish up the final vox....

but of course there are many more to go...but thats a huge step...and
it feels gooooooooooooooood...

i also began working on the XEW Video Blog...if i can get the intro
video done tonight ill post it so you can see my fonky self...haha...

music of the moment-new songs im working on...in the car Bjork:
Playing Dead, Peter Gabriel, and some other stuff i cant remember...

-p

Ha!

2007-08-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

bug eyed

2007-08-02T11:42:00.001-07:00

im feeling bug eyed today...i awoke to baby girl screaming...oh
joy...being a kid can be so difficult sometimes! haha

so my eyes are all nice and soar from several nites of not getting
enough sleep...ive been so hung up on getting things organized that
ive been overdoing it, it seems....but things are finally coming
along...ive got most of my pic and music files gathered up, cleaned
out and organized...i started some new music projects i hope to finish
soon....the Magic Studio is in the beginning process of a
makeover...installing needed progs and items...etc....

and thats just what im doing for just me...still have the house
cleaning, cooking, biz work to do, etc....so getting in the personal
stuff is a miracle....ill try not to complain too much cause i never
thought id ever get to things...

between now and the end of the weekend i hope to hit up some music
stores and shop for a new vox mic for recording...mine is fine but i
think its finally run its course for me...i really need to move
up...hopefully i can find something decent that wont kill the bank
account...im also thinking of getting a controller...ive been wanting
one...i have a midi keyboard but the connections are the old style...i
could really use something small and usb...i *heart* plug n play...

so ya im working on yet another new song...most of my new stuff gets
to a point and then stalls...i guess they arent ready to be "born"
yet...but this one in particular has a beautiful start...the test vox
turned out pretty awesome...well at least i think so...so now unless i
can get one of these virtual keyboards to work properly or get a
controller...i will attempt to mic up one of my daughters toy
pianos...haha that ought to be fun...i may have to leave that to the
hubby since he is the master of live recording...

im also working on a new project for XEWMusic...i hope to soon add a
video blog here and there...sometimes talking is just easier than
typing...so doing some mixing it up might be nice...that is of course
if i can get my equipment to work right...i swear its always
something!!

i hope to add one or 2 more songs from the archive to the site...stay
tuned...oh ya i finally got Innocense Lost up at MySpace...i well
forgot about it when i had some probs uploading..duh! oh well...

music of the moment: same stuff...im too lazy to round up a few new cds..haha

-p

dOOd! where's my freaking pen!!!!

2007-07-27T10:26:00.001-07:00

there is nothing worse (ok so maybe there are lots of things worse) than driving somewhere and suddenly lyrics hit you....and theres no paper nor pen in sight...uugggg!!! thats been happening alot lately...not sure whats up...must be the moods ive been dealing with...im a bit frustrated that i havent been able to sit down and get some things out of my head and onto a prog so i can at least come back to it when i have more time...

more things have been getting done in the house...still alot to go...unfortunately alot of time is being sucked up with having to make dinner almost from scratch most nites...sometimes it can take 3 hours from start to finish..then still have to eat...by the time its all done i just wanna crash and sleep....i try to make extra each time for leftovers...but who wants to eat the same thing for days at a time? i hope this detox works and SOON...id like to finally have a little bit of variety back so i can at least grab something take-out...even if its just a side to make dinner making go quicker...

in other food news i made my own ketchup...its pretty good actually...definately not heinz, but ill take it over my current alternative..

current listening: nothing in particular...same stuff in rotation...

-p

not again!

2007-07-18T10:47:00.001-07:00

so...ive been dealing with this new diet...and my fam's new diets...most everything is now revolving around being able to cook or find things to eat...fun fun...

and of course as soon as i thought id figured out most of it and getting into a groove here comes yet again another pot hole...we had to add soy to the list...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! most things i just bought to take the place of convention items have soy!!! *sigh* i just cant win...but luckily doc says this is just temp...its a detox and after its done ill be able to have some of each but very limited and only one at a time...greeeaat...

after i found out about the soy i really wanted to just give up...sorting out all of this is hard enough for myself but for all of us having different issues is draining...but through the magic of doubling dinners so we can freeze some i think we are getting back on track...*whew!*

couple of months at most doc says...just a couple of months...uuuggg!!! well at least ive lost some weight! im about down to my "ideal" weight...yeehaw! but that causes another prob of redoing my wardrobe yet AGAIN...ah well..so be it...

in music news: im working on a few new things along with the old...one technological glitch standing in my way but hope to have that remedied soon...will post when i get it sorted!

current listening: radiohead-hail to the theif...and whatever kids music my daughter tortures me with..haha

well crap!

2007-07-10T11:21:00.001-07:00

sometimes songs take time to come together...like a fine wine ;) sometimes they come together instantly...but of course when you need them instantly they are busy brewing...and then BLAM! one day it just falls together...

so im sorting things...gathering up stuff to work on, stuff to send to production...ive got a handful of lyrics that have been lying in waiting...i click on an old song that i wanted to work on way back when and BLAM! theres a match...now where was this many moons ago when i needed it?!?!?! aarrggg!! well its some stuff that i dont intend to use on any cd but ill prob put it together just to get it out of my head...*sigh*

current music- songs from deep in the vaults of the XEW music archive...goodness look at all the cobwebs!! :P

nope...im getting no work done today..well a little..just not what i should be doing!

-p

Music, music and more music!

2007-07-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

hiya,
if you bookmarked this post in the past to come back to the music, please note that we are temporarily taking down the downloadable files. Our apologies for the inconvenience. Please check out the player linked to Music from the home page of xewmusic.com

-p

today is just one of those days...

2007-07-06T11:02:00.001-07:00

thats been difficult...

well the beginning of my new diet was horrible...i cleaned out the cabinets and such and realized i only had like 2 or 3 things i could eat....it was insane...that first week was extremely difficult...it took everything i had not to loose it...

it didnt help when i began reading labels at the store...even in a place like whole foods...EVERYTHING has at least one of these ingredients...and most had all 3 and lots of other crap...

its gotten a bit better as ive found substitutes for things i love...oh pizza how i miss thee! so its been good (finally lost all the pregger weight and some! and the sinus has settled down about 75% whoohoo!)...although the past couple of days have been rough...ive been dealing with another headache that i woke up with...i hadnt had one in a while so im not sure where that came from...and last nite i stubbed a toe on a hard cover book and ripped it open...oh joy! baby girl didnt fall asleep till 1am...and around 5am i heard john awake and found him curled up in pain with an aching back...oy!

so ya...one of those rough days i hope passes quickly...

garden is coming along nicely...it has been so relaxing to work in it...we already picked the first squash and some of the bibb lettuce..yum :) couple more days and we will have our first tomato...yay!

so i hope to be back in the magic studio soon...i am so ready to re-record some stuff now that my health is much better...ive been sampling things and the difference is amazing...well at least to me it is...my luck its still all crap :P

music of the moment: Lata Mangeshkar and her beautiful Indian voice...

so....

2007-06-24T21:26:00.001-07:00

so i found out whats been ailing me....are ya ready? wheat, dairy & sugar...yes all three are allergens for me...isnt that lovely? ive been on an adjusted diet for the past week or so and im ready to pull my hair out...not so much as the new food ive got to figure out..but ive lost the convience of just grabbing a bite to eat....most places just dont cater to people with allergies...or if that do its just to one or the other...not all 3 or more...*sigh* and i have a feeling there is at least one more thats gonna be thrown in there....uuuggg! if this keeps up ill officially have to become a vegan...not that i mind but ya know...i was happy just being a veggie-head...

in other news my garden is coming along so well....its been alot of work to put together since we never started one before but its been worth it...weve gotten lots of exercise and time outside...even baby girl has gotten in on helping out...

no new music news to report as usual...im still waiting for the remnants of my cold to go away so i can do some recording...

-p

current music: some indian music, some live DJ Kable, and some PJ Harvey in the car...

as much as it sucks...

2007-06-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

sometimes sucky things can turn into good things...well i hope...

as i eluded to in my previous post...hubby, baby girl and i were in an accident a couple weekends ago...a nice 4 car pile up due to some doofus that was speeding in a tight area of downtown...duh! so it landed us all at the chiro with whiplash...fun fun...

well anyway...id been working with a reg doctor about my constant sinus infections, etc....wasnt getting anywhere...chiro notices a few things and points out i have some kind of food allergy...which is part of the allergies, colds, etc...SO IM REALLY NOT LOOSING MY MIND! its just that my body hates me..haha...

still trying to pin point it but at least i am finally figuring it all out...and maybe soon i can finally finish up some vocals and feel better instead of living on allergy meds...

-p

music- working on "dilution of me" & "disappear"...listening to radiohead "hail to the thief" and the usual suspects...

Stupid should hurt...

2007-05-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

yes...yes it should...crooked developers, county goofballs, and people who cant drive and cause 4 car pile ups...all stupid...

music news: hope to have a new song posted soon...The Dilution of Me...its still in its raw phase but im finding it satisfactory for its stage...so ya! soon!

music of the moment...new tori and bjork of course! and some lady soveregin..ya baby!

fun link: www.sharolaid.com too funny...

so much to give, so little to offer...

2007-05-16T12:36:00.001-07:00

Sorry for such long gaps in updates...putting a house back together is a bit of a nightmare...but im dealing cause weve got so much room!!!!!!!!!!!!

as always i hope to have 1 or 2 new songs up in the near future...one thats been hanging around for a while and something new that prob needs tons of work...yaya i know what else is new!

in other music news: tori amos and bjork just released new albums....ohhhh ya! *is quite happy* if you havent gotten them yet...dont walk...RUN!

-p

The Hidden XEW

2007-04-20T16:52:00.001-07:00

Sometimes there are no words to say....

i heart Psapp

2007-03-28T20:20:00.001-07:00

yes...yes i do...

its been a long time...my apologies...i went on a bit of an extended vacation that was only supposed to be a month or so and it turned into 3.5 months...ouch!

there were many things to take care of and do...i actually got alot done, and of course there is always more but i cant complain..yay! one of my goals as always is to continue working on my music and working on writing new lyrics...not much happened there until the end when things just came pouring out over a week...amazing...man i do love a good music writing marathon...staying up till the wee morning hours and just letting it all pour out....

as always there is so much to say but so little time to do it in...so until next time...

ps-dont forget to check out Psapp...they rock...

-p

mmmm warmth...

2006-12-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

couple more days till im in warm weather and on vaca....oh ya! dreading the drive...blah....but it will all be good...yeehaw!

-p

NO IT CANT BE!!!

2006-11-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

yes, yes it can...another post....

this one is just a quick personal update...i usually prefer not to talk about personal things on my music site but i figured it explains things in the current and where they will be going...

so lately i have been working full time again...exhausting but worth it...it was hard to let my little boogie go off to the sitters like a big girl...but shes been doing very well and has been so happy...yay! but of course i miss her much...

our home is coming along rather quickly now...construction started last week and has been moving steadily...any moment i have for now has been put into packing up part of my home and cleaning out things...i walked into a room this evenign at a friends house and the room was of a similar design that our upstairs room will be, similar size, cathedral ceiling, etc etc....man that felt weird...i dont know what im gonna do with myself having all that room! baby girl is so gonna dig it...

and it will be nice to finally move the business into its own place...and out of my living area!!! yeehaw!! it will be a pain in the butt to put it all back in order when its done but it will be worth it...

since walls will be knocked down and stuff...i will be taking a long vacation so baby girl and i wont take over the inlaws house....and i need it...so much has gone on in the past couple of months...im ready for a break...and im ready to just sit down and work on some music un-interrupted...ive got a ton of new stuff written, some others to finish and lots to record! da' boss is coming along! i hope to be able to post any progress during that time but i cant promise anything due to internet access and my little funky laptop :)

and there you have it...2 posts in a row...yes the sky may fall down :oO

smoooches,

-p

ps: comments are turned off due to a spammer...will work on it and get it fixed right back up...in the meantime hit me up at xewmusic@gmail.com

assuming

2006-11-28T20:49:00.000-08:00

Ive got a handful to write...but I think Im going to save it for tomorrow. But Ive been meaning to write about this for some time...

Assuming is such an awful thing. Why do so many people do this? Its so easy to ask questions...so why not just do it? Wouldnt it be better to just deal with it then assume and then let things run wild until they are so out of hand that there cant be any going back? I just dont get it. No, I do get it. It is about fear. Fear of the reality. It seems so much easier to just go with what you think the situation is, instead of facing it. Facing the situation, or even one's self.

But then again why am i so worried about it? Doesnt matter. Never fails that when someone chooses to assume rather than find out, it usually kicks them in the a$$ later. And so be it. Cowards deserve what will come to them.

(no, no particular situation got me talking about this, its just been sitting in the back of my head for a while, from seeing so much assuming going on around me...)

amazing

2006-11-16T14:47:00.000-08:00

I have many many things I want to post but Ive yet to have a moment to sit down and type them all out. i hope to do that very soon. My apologies as Im trying to get my house ready for it to be torn apart...eeek!

In the mean time, a friend gave me this link: http://www.1gl19.com/

If you dont recognize them, they are Faithless and apparently this is the demo for dvd #2...it is an amazing concept. Please check it out. Ill talk more about my thoughts about it soon...I promise!

smooches,

-p

Release of Innocence Lost

2006-11-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

It has always been my intention to release this song before Halloween, but unfortunately in years past it was never "finished" and this year technical difficulties have left us a few days late. Ah well, better late than never!

So without further adu...I give you Innocence Lost

Let me know what you think...

-p

Complicated/In The Nude/Josephina at last!

2006-10-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

I’ve always found that we seem to over complicate things that really don’t need to be. Sometimes simplicity just works so much better. I think people in general just tend to make things so complicated. Maybe because it makes us feel more intellectual, powerful, stronger, more in control. But in actuality it can spin us out of control just as fast as it seemed to trick us into thinking we were in control.
I love simplicity. I am finding myself wanting this more and more from the music I make. The over-complication of trying to perfect things to the chaotic standards we have set for ourselves in the music world just seems to drain the feeling out of the music in many cases. Don’t get me wrong, I love when many musical sounds come together and make such a beautiful arrangement. But sometimes you just need to step back and appreciate where it all began. Just a simple melody or even better just vocals, oh how sweet!
So what I will be adding to my lineup now and again are songs that have just been done accapella. I’ve always tried to convey in my music a deep emotion, whether to the happiest extreme or to the lowest sadness known, something that will just bring out the emotion in someone without ever having felt such a high or low. But now I want to take it in a new direction. To either take them past the highest high or the lowest low to something even deeper.
So, along side my other music I will be working on a second CD titled “In The Nude”. It will include some of the same songs on the original untitled CD but with as little electronic intervention as possible. For some I may add a touch of effect, maybe only 1 instrument, and for some they will be as “nude” as possible.
Without further adu, I introduce the first song of the CD of In The Nude, “Josephina”

Josephina-In The Nude

Also I would like to introduce the new and improved “Josephina” song, the first completed work of the untitled CD.

Josephina with music

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home or Home or HOme or HOMe or HOME

2006-10-08T18:11:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder where home really is? Is home just a place where we live? Is it a spiritual connection? Maybe its both...I think so...

I know Im home...but sometimes I feel like Im still not there yet....home is still to be found...a place where the physical and spiritual homes connect...

Dont get me wrong..i am HOME...here with my family, but I think there is another place somewhere that I havent had the chance to connect with...a place where everything will fit together...a place that I will relate to everything around me as if Id live there my whole life but at the same time always be new....

Maybe Ive just got the travel bug again...ya ill chalk it up to that for now...

The Little Brain That Could

2006-10-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

So the past week or so my brain has been on this roller coaster...sometimes it just doesnt work at all...I feel like a total dork...and other times its going so fast that I cant even keep up with it. Ah well...

So we have another song I think is done...not sure if I will use it on the cd but its pretty good. Its called Alive but Alone, aka music for the dying... You can check it out at the Post Modernist Music site...

Its actually another older tune from back in the day but as most of our older songs have done...its taken on a whole new sound and feel...

mood: tired as usual...got a long day tomorrow...

music: been listening to a czech band called Aourabora (sorry may not have that spelled correctly...the case is in the car!) Its a very good cd....

Also about to re-listen to the obliqsound sampler....apparently it was misplaced in my hubby's office and I found it yesterday...whoohooo! another very good cd....

Sarcas-o-matic

2006-09-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

So lately ive been feeling quite sarcastic...I have no idea why....that i find myself wanting to be very blunt...

Ive luckily held back on most occasions as not to have all heck break loose but man have i come up with some doosies id love to have said!!!

I think its just because i happen to be around alot of people at that moment where people do or say stupid things...ya gotta love it. I know pretty soon im going to slip up...its just written in the stars...

Ah well, what can ya do about it? (dont answer that unless you want me to go off on you...)

-p

The Resurection of Spirit

2006-09-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

My thoughts seem to be going toward my inner self today. Just thinking back a bit...remembering how the last 5 or 6 years has gone since falling back into music after many years. It hit with such a lust for it that it just consumed me. But somewhere down the line I had to have that day job. I definately loved my job besides all the office politics, but it too came to consume me and the inner me seems to have gotten lost somewhere in the shuffle. It might have even killed my spirit so to speak. And then life just kinda happened. I got married, had my little one, recovered from having little one, etc. So now I find myself trying to recover my spirit. I am learning about the new me, who Ive become as a result of life's changes.

Its quite interesting, this new person I have to become familar with. Some people fight it off, but Ive come to embrace it, to learn about it, to know it. And I am finding there is a new depth to myself. Ive always had a "sixth sense" feeling, but now it is even stronger. Its quite amazing.

So thats one of my thoughts for now. I may have more to add later.

mood: stabbing headache but still thoughtful

music: gonna check out a new cd later tonight

Lurve

2006-09-20T15:55:00.000-07:00

So it seems my little one may have quite an admirer. Shes been staying a few days a week with one of her tot group's moms and the little boy has grown quite fond of her, and she to him it seems. I picked her up today and when she walked out the door he came running with this poor heartbroken look on his face. Aw man, it was rough. The just adore each other. Its pretty amazing to see 2 little ones getting along so well at such a young age.

Of course I have to wonder whats going through their minds. Do they really have a connection? I wonder will it be there when they are older? Will they cross paths again when they are older should our families move in other directions? I guess i wonder more because his parents were good friends since they were very young and then got hooked up...too cool....

I guess we can only wait and see :)

Conversations

2006-09-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have a habit of catching conversations while in stores or especially while eating since I cant talk with a mouth full of food :p

The last time we were in a favorite restaurant I caught the conversation of an older couple talking about shopping and waiting for some big designers show next week to buy stuff. Such an odd coversation for me...I would have never imagined ever talking about stuff like that....

Then tonight we heard another conversation in the same place....this guy apparently was a waiter in a move for joe pesci <sp> and then went on to talk about movie production and such to a woman he seems to be seeing....ha! wonder if he were just trying to impress her ;)

So those are just 2 of the conversations Ive overheard lately. Im always fascinated by what people seem to talk about while just out and about...do you think they realize anyone is ever listening and maybe remembering what they say? I also find it pretty cool the kind of things you can learn by just keeping your ears open...

Although it would be to my disadvantage at times, but I wish more people would stop and just listen sometimes...its amazing what you will hear.

mood: contemplative

music: music for the movie jeena sirf merre liye by nadeem shravan

Missing the warm weather

2006-09-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

So it seems the cool weather is moving in here in DC. It may warm up again for a bit but not for long. I really miss the warm weather already. I am not looking forward to the cold. I do hope to spend sometime down south this winter while the house is being torn apart but I guess that is up in the air.

What a lucky fish, he gets to swim all the time down in FL. Oh how I miss the beach!!!!

-p

The Dilution of Me

2006-09-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

Lives go in so many directions over a lifetime. You can forge ahead in family, career, personal goals, etc. Or you can even go backwards. Sometimes they are of your choice and other times they are not.
There are times when life takes me in some amazing directions. I try to keep myself open to whatever it brings. But of course there are those times when it becomes quite overwhelming but you must keep going in a direction for a while until it is time for a new direction to take hold.
Right now I find myself in an exciting but overwhelming at times, place in life. I love having a family, a home. Theres never a dull moment thats for sure. I love having so many things to look forward to. But of course with all of that come responsibilites. Homes must be cared for, little one must have attention, business must be tended to, and then you have the self to take care of. Its amazing how it always ends up on the bottom. We let ourselves be the last to be taken care of.
I could take this into the direction that is bias towards a woman, mother, wife, etc but I dont want to do that. I think we all do this in one form or another without realizing it. Our beings become diluted with all of the things we must take care of. Many times there is no way out of alot of the things we must do. But if we are lucky we have the chance to bend a few and make a few new directions happen for ourselves. I find myself at this place. I am working so hard to bring about a new direction for myself and my family. It is quite a battle getting there. But such an important and amazing journey. So I hope that for those stopping in and visiting, that you come back again. Its been such a long journey to get here. One that means the world to me and my mates that are working so hard to make this happen.

-p

Josephina

2006-09-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

So if you are keeping up with the Lounge Lovers site or Post Modernist music, you may already know that we have finally completed a song. Josephina is an older tune, it was post at ArtistLaunch, MP3.com and others. Well we took the old tune and took it in a new direction. It was just screaming "fix me fix me!!"

Click here to listen to the original version

So imagine the old tune toned down musically, add some soft pads, then bring the vocals into clarity and a bit slower. My heart skipped a beat when I first heard the completed version. I never would have imagined it sounding like this. Julian did the most beautiful job with it. And amazingly the vocals turned out so well that we are also thinking of adding an accapella version to the end of the cd.
The song is kind of a daydream, wondering what it would be like to have a child (of course this is before my little one came along). It also is about things in my own childhood that I loved so much. I remember swinging for hours and hours just daydreaming and singing. *sigh*
But of course I'm going to continue holding out on posting the new music. Sorry guys Im keeping it under wraps for a bit longer. I really want to do this all right. Each of the songs in some way go together, belong together. I cant imagine them just being parted out just for the sake of having something new out all of the time.
In the meantime there is new stuff at LoungeLovers and Post Modernist Music in which I contributed vocals to so check em out...

Its been a day

2006-08-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

I used to cry alot a long time ago...things didnt always go in good ways...so i was down alot. But things got better and today i realized its been along time since i cried...prob cause i realized i needed to. Today was quite a rough day. The first part of it went pretty well but then somewhere in there it just went TTHHPP!!
These days suck...Im glad they dont happen too often *knocks on wood*

-p

An exciting day of recording...

2006-08-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

Its one of those days when you finally get a chunk of time to really do some damage on the recording end of things...and it feels awesome!!!! we've made some amazing headway with several songs that are slated to be on the new cd and 2 new tunes in the works...such amazing stuff!! we cant wait to have them done so we can begin to post clips of what we have been working so hard on...i hope everyone is patient enough to hang in there and support us...
for those still here...smoooooooooooooch!

for those who arent...well you can just kiss my

Update

2006-07-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

As usual we are way behind in giving an update! Our apologies....as of the past few weeks we are back in the Magic Studio recording the songs for the long overdue CD. Man is it about time! Feels good to be working again on the CD. We hope to be able to have a few previews in the near future. Please stand by. In the meantime you can also check out www.myspace.com/xewmusic for other music...

Smooches,
-p